Shadowburn (2)

Chapter 28

When she screamed, something inside him shattered.

He knew that sound. Knew it all too well. He ran, but he was far away, had been headed for the clouds in his raven form. By the time he got to the dining room, it was quiet.

Too quiet.

And he couldn't get into her head, couldn't get past the storm writhing inside her. She didn't even feel him trying, didn't hear him screaming at her.

He pushed against the door, but it wouldn't move--something on the other side was keeping it closed.

He railed against it, threw every drop of his Fire at it--but nothing changed. Sin was inside in pain and Thorn could not get to her.

He roared his fury and slammed both fists against the wood, but it didn't even shudder under his touch.

And then--it opened. Swung open when he pushed as if the force keeping it closed had just vanished. But he knew what had caused it, could see it as if he was looking at it through a window, from the outside.

He stepped into the room, noted the mess--but his eyes went to Sin and Andreas. They were so tangled together that Thorn couldn't tell where she started and he stopped. And she was inside his head.

She'd literally transferred herself into his head and let him into hers.

Thorn had been the one to show her how to do that--but she'd never allowed even him that much access. He couldn't stand it, standing there, couldn't handle the knowledge that she would allow Grigoli to learn every single thing inside her.

That she would let him walk the halls of her memories, every single memory, even the ones she kept from him.

Thorn turned on his heel and strode from the room, slamming the door behind him.

*****

It was the most difficult thing Andreas had ever had to do or endure. Opening his mind to her... he hadn't thought he could do it, that he was capable of letting her in. Allowing her to see his soul.

And then she'd pulled him out of his own mind, transferred him away from the memories, the pain, the torture, and put him into hers. At first, he didn't know what to do, how to feel. He was inside her head, her heart, and her soul, all at once. Every single thought, memory, emotion, everything, it was all there for him to see. And he saw it. Every. Single. One.

The pain she'd endured.

The pain she'd inflicted.

The small brightness that Thorn lit in the darkness.

The brighter light that had begun to glow in recent weeks, one with... his face among it. Andreas would have been struggling to breathe if he'd been in his own body.

There was so much. So much she'd been through. So much she shouldn't have needed to face alone. So much she shouldn't have needed to face in the first place.

He saw the Silence. The area in her mind that had kept her sane for so long. Saw how he'd been the one to shatter it.

He saw her struggling to work through her emotions, her memories for the first time. Saw her deal with them and shelve them for the first time. All because he'd been able to break the Silence. All because she couldn't help but feel around him.

The memories she'd tried to keep from him... everything she'd hidden -- what really happen in Vadascar. The people she'd killed -- ones she cared for. The people she lost because she'd been too late to save them.

He wanted to wipe all the pain away, to take it all into himself so she would never have to face any of it again. Wanted to lift the burden.

And then he saw an image of her smiling.

The first time he'd seen her really smiling. They were in the dining room, and she had been trying to hide it from him.

The smile had been for him.

Andreas had a sudden urge to be back in his own head, regain control over his body, because he needed to hold her. Needed her close. Needed to make her smile like that again.

He would make her smile every day he could. And nothing was going to get in his way.

And he would lift the chain on her soul. He didn't care how. Didn't care how long it would take him or what it would cost him.

He'd ensure that she was free. And happy.

And no one was going to stand in his way. Not even the gods.

Especially not the gods.

He'd slay every one of them if he had to. She would be free. And this he vowed to himself in her language, the tongue of the Fae. The language of truth. He would not fail.

*****

When they both finally returned to their own minds, Andreas was slumped against Sin, her arms the only force capable of holding him up, of holding him together. He had no energy left. He felt all his memories swirling in his head. But, he was able to face them, to keep them from breaking him into a million pieces, because he felt her touch everywhere. She was everywhere and that somehow coated everything in a glow, a light that had never been present in his head. He made quick work of returning the boxes to where they belonged.

And somehow, he felt lighter. Like a burden had been lifted.

He'd told her to place her burdens on him, to ease her own, not realizing how the same could be done for him. Not realizing how much lighter they both would feel by sharing their pain. How they could ease it for each other.

Andreas finally managed to lift himself, his eyes locking with her the moment his found hers. She grabbed his head in her hands and stared into his soul. "I love you, Andreas Scott Grigoli." Her words were soft, but very firm, unwavering, spoken in Faerndesl.

Andreas couldn't breathe.

Knowing she loved him, and hearing her say the words out loud were two very different things. He stared at her, unable to speak, unable to breathe.

The last time he'd heard those words spoken out loud was when his mother had still been alive, before even Casian died. Not even Skylar ever voiced them.

It broke something inside him, tore down the walls he'd built around his heart. She smiled at him, a soft, true smile. One that, according to her memories, she had only ever given him. And it caused the walls to shatter completely.

He couldn't move, couldn't speak. Didn't know how to respond. Didn't know how to say the words back to her. Had never had to say the words. Had never been able to.

But he needed to say something. Needed to. But before he could, she placed her lips on his softly. Agonizingly soft. Andreas felt his cheeks were wet, not even realizing that he'd been crying.

He'd laid his soul bare to her, and she was still here. She loved him still. She was kissing him.

For a moment, he remained frozen. And then he pulled her to him again, as close as possible, and deepened the kiss.

I love you too, he said into her mind, because he still couldn't voice them aloud. Wasn't ready to. But this, this he could give her. At least for now. At least until he was capable of telling her out loud.

For now, he just needed her to know.

She returned the passion of his kiss. I know. And Andreas lost himself in her.