the academy ➢ fitzsimmons

➢12

"What do mean 'you don't know'?" He asked sternly, his hands shaking as they took hold of his hips and standing up straighter.

"I mean that I truly don't know what I was thinking." I said trying to avoid the fact of what I said has been done. "And by thinking I mean thinking out loud and without a brain."

"Jemma, what did you say to him exactly." He asked settling down even though I could tell his blood pressure was still raising higher as we continued our conversation.

"I guess–" I had trouble placing words into a sentence, it was like looking for one word in the dictionary at a time, "I told–"

"Simmons, spit it out." He said as I still struggled with my words. And because trying to rush my thinking process by saying spit it out is going to help.

"I honestly can't afford do this right now, I have a lot of  homework and studying to do." I said getting up to scavenge for my notebook through a small mess that was my desk. "As do you."

"Oh Jemma, always doing her homework." Fitz sighed in a dramatic way. He was upset with me and I can definitely tell; the way he rolled his eyes and the way his large hands were balled in fists as if they could punch through all of the walls in my dorm. He never gets upset with me. Never.

"Fitz, this isn't a discussion."

"Oh, well Simmons, I think it should be." He shot back with his hands back on his hips now, his cardigan bunched at the sides. "Nothing is ever a discussion, we never address anything mostly when it has something to do with you not being okay."

"Fitz why are you so worried about me and Aaron anyway?" I took a breath and looked at the books that scattered the floor so that I wouldn't have to look at him, "You have never cared so much until this very moment, why don't you just go back to making your damn pistol."

My hands then fluttered through my open bag beside me, and finally my hands gripped onto a white patent sheet. This white sheet could've been everything to him and I but now it's nothing more than a packet to me.

"Here," I threw the papers directly at his chest, "it was going to be a surprise but I don't even think this whole project will matter anymore."

He looked timidly at the paper, his eyes widened and scanned the sheet before looking back up at me. I didn't dare to look at Fitz but I could feel his dark green eyes on me, like they were staring at me with disbelief. If I were him I would be in disbelief too; it wasn't too much of a hassle getting the paper work from the professor but the fact that I had this plan for his work showed that even the smallest tasks have the biggest rewards.

"You were-" he stopped and shuffled the sheets one more time just to have a quick reality check like this might be a dream.

"I was-"

He craned his head and took a deep breath, "I think this is my queue to go but thank you um–," He opened the door and looked back at me just to meet my eyes, "–for thinking of me."

But Fitz, I always do.

➢

The next week was just as uneventful as the last ones and just as uneventful as the ones that will follow, but this time I didn't have Fitz to lighten the week with a new idea or a nice dinner or a stupid joke. Even my date with Aaron couldn't make me happy, and I'm not good at acting so he obviously took notice. In his words I looked 'lifeless' and 'bored', two words I would describe myself on that night as well. We finally, by the end of the night, both agreed that nothing was ever going to develop between us, relating to feelings, and that our contrasting personalities destabilized the relationship. The words came out of my mouth like a waterfall, just spilling that I never actually liked him how he could of possibly liked me.

Aaron and I are done.

It wasn't as much of a relief because I didn't have Fitz with open arms at the end. While I enjoyed my new found freedom, I also dreaded my new found loneliness. He would be here, right now, with me, in my dorm room, laughing about how much of an idiot I was. I would give anything for that right now. I had class with Fitz in 2 hours and I prepared for the silence between us, even though a million years wouldn't be enough to prepare myself for the disappointed face given by Fitz. 

What else was I supposed to do? Hide? I never missed a class but I didn't know if going to class with Fitz was even an option. I had to go, I just had to. I had to face Fitz, and face the fact that him and I will have to reconstruct our friendship with time. What if he was so upset with me that we had to call our friendship quits? Thinking of the hell that was life without Fitz tortured me because, at the academy, he was practically all I had and, of course, the daily reruns of Doctor Who.

Walking to class was the longest walk of my entire life and, weirdly for a shorter distance, so was the walk to my seat next to Fitz. He sat their, hands in his lap, smiling. His smile immediately made me smile as if it changed my whole day around.

"Hi Fitz." I said softly to him, his head turned to face me, a smile still spread across his face, no change in expression, just happiness.

"Hi Simmons."

We both spoke the words "I'm sorry." at the same time which caught us by surprise before each of us let in and laughed.

"I'm guessing you and Aaron had a nice date, yeah?" He asked as I took my seat after a long period of standing.

"Fitz, we're done." I said.

"You mean you and Aaron, right?" he asked shyly, my mind didn't process his question until a few seconds later.

"oh, no, I mean yes," I stopped myself, "I am no longer seeing Aaron, Fitz."

"Wow you really manned up for that one, didn't ya?" He teased.

"And maybe Wednesday, you and me go to that museum and a cafe," we gazed over at each other, "I really want to go and you said you would willingly drag along."

"I love when you drag me places." He said with a small laugh at the end.

"You know Simmons, I never pegged you as the heartbreaking type. One of these days your gonna make a guy cry." He said with another laugh at the end thinking he was so clever.

"I would never!" I scoffed at the proposition.

He glared at me sarcastically as if trying to say mmhhmm yeah, okay Simmons.

"Hey, the 'break up', if you will, was a mutual agreement," I paused quickly to emphasize the main idea of the topic, "we both knew that the relationship was going no where, which was quite obvious, and we knew we could be with better people."

"What an ass, nobody is better than you, Simmons."