Jealous | Dan Howell

3

I wake up next to Phil, and notice that his arm is gently wrapped around me. My phone vibrates, letting me know that I just got a text. I smile, move Phil's arm, and get out of bed. I head over and take my phone off the charger, noticing it's just a text from my roommate, Maiara.

She's an actress like myself. She's been on Cory in the House, Desperate Housewives, Switched at Birth, and in two episodes of The Vampire Diaries.

Maiara:
Only 3 weeks left until you come back home! It's so quiet without you :(

I smile and text her back, telling her to go out and make friends if she's so lonely. She replies back with 'but I'm antisocial.'

Phil eventually wakes up, "Hey, you're awake already? It's only 9."

"We have a party to plan. It's going to be amazing." I reply with a smile, pulling out some clothes from my suitcase.

"Yeah, if you can just keep your distance from Dan, everything will be fine."

"It's not like if I accidentally run into him we'll get into a fight."

"Are you sure about that? I notice you guys giving each other death glares once in awhile."

It's true. Dan and I haven't spoken to each other since I said 'thank you,' when he said Phil and I could have a party. I'm terrified that some day Phil will leave the apartment and Dan will hurt me.

Honestly, I don't even know what I did to him. If he's jealous because I'm 'stealing his best friend' then he needs to get over it.

After showering I get dressed and blow dry my hair, pulling it up into a bun. I don't apply makeup, I'll do that later, before the party.

I meet Phil in the lounge and we plan out where we're going to put the furniture, what kind of music we're going to listen to, and even how we're going to adjust the lighting.

"We should head to the shops and buy some fairy lights, and while we're out we can buy everything else we need for the party." I say, resting my hands on my hips.

Phil shrugs, "Yeah, sounds good. I'll go get ready." He replies and heads to his room.

I get out my phone and sit down on the couch, and notice Dan enter the room with his laptop in the corner of my eye.  He sits next to me and opens it, and begins scrolling through tumblr.

The silence is normal,
But I'm getting sick of it.

"Why do you hate me?" I ask him, putting my phone back into my pocket.

"I don't hate you," he mumbles, not looking up from his screen.

"It's hard to believe you when you don't even look up from your goddamn laptop screen to look at me."

He lets out a small sigh, slamming it shut and placing it on the table in front of it. He turns so his body faces me, looking directly into my eyes. "I don't hate you."

"Then why do you act like you do?"
And why the hell do I feel like crying?

I don't know why, but I can't stand it when people ignore me, hate me, or even dislike me just a little bit. If someone does, I avoid them at all costs because I feel like they're negative people, and I don't want negative people in my life. Since I can't avoid Dan anytime until next month, the best thing to do is to settle things with him, a week of not talking to him was enough to annoy the piss out of me.

He looks down, "I don't hate you, okay? I try not to act like I do, but you just assume that when I don't talk to you I hate you."

"Look, I just don't like it when people ignore me, and...I'm sorry if I did anything to-"

"-No, don't apologize. I'm just...not used to having a third person in the apartment for long periods of time."

"I understand...I'll be out of here soon."

"Now I feel bad, I don't want you to feel pressured to leave because of me."

"No, it's okay, Dan..." I sigh and stand up, "I'll stay for the party tonight and I'll leave tomorrow."

"Rachel..."

"Stop. It's fine." I say, wiping a tear and walking back to Phil's room. I don't bother knocking, and thank god he's only shirtless. "Sorry," I mumble and plop down onto his bed.

"What's wrong?" He asks, pulling one of his many lion shirts over his head. I shrug, scrolling through Instagram. "Is it Dan?" I shrug again and he sighs and turns around and heads for the door, but I stop him.

"Phil wait, leave him alone."

"What happened? What did he say to you to make you cry?"

"I'm not crying," I say, wiping my cheek off.

"Don't lie to me, Rachel."

"I'm not." I repeat. "I talked to Dan."

"And?"

"Everything's fine."

"Don't. Lie." He says again.

"It really is fine, Phil, we're not angry at each other any more." I mumble and take a deep breath.

He lays down next to me and leans his head on my chest, putting his arms around me. I smile and caress his cheek with my right hand, still scrolling through Instagram with my left, Phil looking through my feed with me.

•••

After getting back to the flat, Phil and I work together and put up fairy lights while Dan sets everything else up.

"I think it looks good! I wish we had a disco ball." Phil frowns, stepping back and admiring his work. "Do you have the playlist?"

"Right here," I smile and get out my iPod and connect it to a speaker. When people start to arrive I'll start the 5 hour-long playlist.

"Rachel," I hear Dan's voice right behind me.

I jump, "Now you're the one sneaking up on me."

"Rachel," he repeats, putting a hand on my shoulder, "about what I said earlier, I-"

"-Dan, I've made up my mind, anything you say won't make me change my mind."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You have no reason to apologize. Now can you please just leave me alone? I want this party to help me escape from my thoughts for a few hours." I say, walking to Phil's room.

Now hopefully he'll leave me the hell alone.

~~~