Jealous | Dan Howell

22

"You alright, Rachel?" Maiara's quiet voice fills my room as she opens my door.

"Of course I'm not alright. I gave up my dream for a stupid boy who lied about loving me." I say with a sigh.

She looks down, "You're probably going to hate me for this, but I brought someone to see you."

"Please, not Phil again. I'll just feel bad because he'll apologize again for what Dan did. I just wish he'd understand it wasn't his fault, and..."

I stop mid-sentence when I see Maiara pull Dan into the room. He has a small bag with him.

"Well this is even worse than Phil!" I groan, plopping back down onto my pillow.

And she's out of her damn mind if she thinks he's staying in this apartment tonight.

"He feels terrible about what he did. He's exhausted from apologizing. I love both of you and I know you're meant to be together, would you please just talk it out?"

She rolls her eyes and steps out of the room, and Dan sits next to me on my bed.

I almost feel sorry for him since he looks as bad as me, if not worse, with puffy, bloodshot eyes and tear stains on his cheeks. He's dressed sloppy and his hair looks like it hasn't been washed for a few days.

I don't stare at him for too long. "I don't want to talk to you," I say, "and I don't want you to talk to me."

"But I want to talk to you." His voice seems to have gotten quieter.

"There's nothing to talk about."

"Rachel, please. How many times do I have to apologize?"

"Apologizing won't do shit. We go out one time, and you get onto a guy who tries to have a simple conversation with me. Yet you go behind my back and cheat on me-"

"-I told you I thought we were fucking over!" He screams.

I sit there in shock, thinking he wasn't going to raise his voice like that.

I quickly blink to try to avoid tears from forming, but it's no use.

He sighs, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have yelled like that."

"Just get out, Dan. Nothing is going to change between us."

He stands up, clenching his fists, "Right. Whatever. Can't believe I fucking wasted my time on this." And with that he's out the door.

I don't know if he meant that coming to see me was a waste of time, or if being with me in general was a waste of time. Either way, it upsets me. "I hate you!" I shout. It was meant for Dan, but I doubt he heard it.

So I cry.
I cry for ten minutes.
And then ten minutes turned into half an hour, and half an hour turned into an hour.

I lost track of time, and I don't have any tears left. I try to quiet myself down.

My bedroom door opens, and I'm surprised to see Dan, walking over to me with tears in his eyes. Before I can say anything to him, he leans in to kiss me.

I'll be honest when I say I missed the sensation of his lips on mine.

I lean back, but that only causes him to lean in further, and soon enough he's on top of me. I find myself wrapping my arms around him, pulling him as close to me as possible. I gently push him off of me when I feel one of his tears drop onto my cheek.

"Dan, stop crying." I whisper, and he pulls me into a hug, sobbing.

"I don't want to lose you," he whispers.

I feel my heart shatter, "You won't."

"But you hate me."

"Even though I said I hated you, I really never stopped loving you."

"Not even when you saw..."

I shake my head, leaning back to look into his eyes, "I was angry, obviously. But deep down I knew that you were sorry, I just didn't want to believe it."

He sighs, "I should have listened to Phil. He told me not to do anything stupid because you didn't officially break up with me."

I nod, "That would have been wise."

He gives me an apologetic smile and grabs my hand, "You mean everything to me, and I simply cannot afford to lose you."

I smile back at him and lean in to kiss his forehead, "I forgive you, and I'm hoping you'll forgive me for overreacting and slapping you."

He stifles a laugh, "You don't have to apologize for that, I deserved it."

I shrug, "Anyways, I saw the bag. You staying here tonight?"

He nods and stands up, "Yeah, Phil's here, too. Can I use your shower really quick?"

I stand up and grab a pair of pajamas, "Only if I can join."

He smirks, "Even better."

•••

I have trouble falling asleep that night, even with Dan by my side. I just keep thinking about what happened.

It was a month ago, and I should be over it, especially after Dan apologized hundreds of times. But every time we kiss, all I can see is her, with him.

Is this a common thing? Probably not. I guess the most common thing is for girls to dump their boyfriends if he cheats on her and not get back together with him whatsoever. But I couldn't do that to Dan.

He thought we were over, and I can't blame him for the way I was so distant with him for three months...I'm a terrible girlfriend.

I take a few deep breaths and accidentally wake him.

"Are you alright, Rachel?" He mumbles, tightening his grip on me.

He still cares about me, even after what he did, after what I did, and that's all I can ask for.

I'm just so glad to be back in his arms again.

I nod, "I'm perfect."

He chuckles and kisses the back of my neck, "I love you so much."

~~~

A/N - I'm sorry this is so fluffy. So I might be ending this fanfic soon? And I don't know if I'll be making a sequel or not? I don't know. We'll just have to wait and see. x