Jealous | Dan Howell

5

The next morning I wake up to someone playing with my hair, and I smile. I turn to face them, then frown when I see Dan.

"What the fuck?" I curse, leaning up. I then notice that I have no clothes on. "Jesus Christ! How did this happen?" I ask him, covering myself.

He looks down, "We were drunk."

"Oh my god," I sigh, putting my head in my hands and start crying.

How could I let this happen? Why the hell did I drink so much and come onto Dan like that? I guess I was just so drunk and Dan looked irresistible.

"Rachel," Dan starts, grabbing my hand. He pulls me closer to him, "I don't know what you're thinking, but I just want to let you know...I don't want you to leave yet." His voice lowers to a whisper, "Please, stay."

I let out a sob and I feel him wipe one of my tears away. "I don't know if I want to stay after what happened, Dan."

He just pulls me in closer and hugs me, and I wrap my arms around him. My tears fall onto our bare chests and I let out a sigh.

"I should go find Phil," I say, leaning up and putting my clothes back on.

"I don't remember if I told you last night, and even if I did I'll say it again: You are gorgeous, every little thing about you is so beautiful." Dan says quietly when I go to open his door.

"Thanks," I smile, feeling my cheeks turn red, "I'll be back."

He smiles back and I open the door, finding Tyler passed out in the middle of the hallway. I poke his shoulder and he groans.

I let out a sigh of relief, "Tyler," I say, gently shaking his shoulder.

He groans again and leans up, looking around, "What the fuck? Where's Troye?"

I help him to his feet and smile, it's so cute how the first thing he's worried about is Troye.

"I'm not sure. Did he go home?"

"Girl, I hope not, he was my ride." I let out a giggle and help him to the lounge, and there are a few bodies spread about.

"Maybe help some of the others wake up and I'll go get some water for all of you." I say, turning to go to the kitchen.

And I find Caspar on the floor passed out, why am I not surprised?

"Clean up on aisle four," I mumble, leaning down to help him up.

•••

A half hour had passed and I still haven't seen Phil. He must be asleep still.

Tyler and I help everyone wake up, and there were about 6 other people who crashed here in the apartment. Caspar, Joe, Troye, Chris, Pj, and Charlie. I'm surprised I remember everyone's name despite that I was so drunk last night.

Everyone eventually leaves and I'm left by myself. I look around notice that the place isn't as messy as I thought it would be.

Before I pick up, I need to go find Phil and apologize. I head to his room and peek my head in, and I notice he's not in his bed. "Phil?" I call his name and there's no response.

I check the office, he's not in there either. After checking his bedroom again and then the kitchen, I realize that I haven't checked the bathroom yet.

When I open the bathroom door, I see Phil laying on the floor, his back to the wall.

Poor thing, he's probably so uncomfortable.

I lean down and put my hand on his arm, "Phil," I say his name but he doesn't respond. "Phil." I say again, this time louder than before. He still doesn't respond. "Phil!" I practically scream and he still doesn't answer.

I grab his hand and pull up his sleeve to check for a pulse, but my heart nearly shatters when I see cuts on his wrists.

"Oh my god," I whisper, putting a hand over my mouth.

I sniffle a few times to try to stop myself from crying, and check to see if he has a pulse, which he does. Thank god he's just unconscious.

My first instinct is to tell Dan and have him help me take Phil to his room.

But I sit down next to him and pull him into my lap, and kiss his forehead. "I'm sorry, Phil."
I guess this was my second instinct.

•••

A few minutes had passed and I hear Dan calling my name.

"In the bathroom," I respond.

I see him enter the hallway in the corner of my eye and he practically runs towards me. "What happened? Is he okay?"

"Yeah, he's just unconscious. Will you help me take him to his room?"

He nods, and I stand up. I grab one of Phil's arms, Dan grabs the other, and we both walk to Phil's room.

We lay him down on his bed and I cover him up, sighing. "He'll be up soon. Do you want to help me clean up the lounge?"

Dan shrugs. "Sure, it won't clean itself."

I nod and we make our way to the lounge and I put on some music, thinking while picking up some cups off of the floor.

Should I look for flights back to LA today? Or should I stay the rest of the month like I originally planned?

Dan wants me to stay, Phil probably wants me to stay as well. But after what happened last night, I don't know if I want to stay or not.

I mean, what if something like that happens a second time? What if I get drunk and come onto Dan again?

"I wouldn't take advantage of you like that, Rachel." Dan says.

I look over to him and realize that I was thinking those last thoughts out loud.

"Sorry, I didn't realize I was talking." I reply, breaking eye contact and leaning down to pick another cup up.

We finish cleaning in silence, and I see Phil come out of his room.

"Phil," I smile, running to him and hugging him. "You're finally up. I'm so sorry about last night-"

"-Can I talk to you real quick?" He interrupts, leaning back from my hug.

"Uh, yeah," I reply, glancing at Dan. He's looking at his phone. I turn back to Phil and nods, and he leads me back to his room.

~~~