Imagine that with Demi Lovato (Lesbian Stories)

My World

⚠TRIGGER WARNING - Suicide and ED mention ⚠️
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It took me till high school to realise the world isn't a happy place. Sitting with my friends at lunch, watching them eat. They'd casually ask where is your lunch? I'd put on a smile and simple say I wasn't hungry. The rumble of my stomach said otherwise but they seemed to just accept it. And so my downfall began. I'd convince myself it was fine because it was just one meal and that meant nothing right? That was hardly anything. Soon it became two meals and then it was just a few days. As we got closer to the end of high school my friend hit me with something interesting. She told me that over the last few years she noticed my happiness starting to slip away and yet, she did nothing. Things haven't changed since then. My age has changed of course but my mindset remains. I wake up drowning in self pity. My only source of happiness remains in the need of another. My girlfriend. Everything about her I seriously cherish. From her short black locks to the chuckle that leave her lips when she laughs. Her chocolate brown eyes that shared so much emotion. She was tough. She was strong. She was simply confident. She was everything I wished for myself. I loved her but the pain I felt deep inside overshadowed that. I was distant. I strived to keep the enemy out by building up my walls. However hard I tried though, she remained by my side. Whenever I seeked comfort she was there. Always just a phone call away. But that resulted in me not only pitying myself but her also for what she got in return was inadequate. A kind soul deserved better. She always insisted I was good enough but that just wasn't true. Demi had opened up to the world so I knew of her issues and yet I was too scared to admit my own self hatred. I wouldn't be able to handle her freaking out. I feel like she'd blame herself. I didn't want to do that to her. So I decided to keep it locked inside until it drove my crazy. The difference though was that I had no reason to be like this. I lived a normal life and yet happiness seemed to slip from my grasp without any explanation and so I reached a point of no return.

I sat in darkness. The room enveloped in silence until I heard the sound of the front door. Footsteps followed. The louder they got the faster my heart beat. I couldn't do it. Her soft voice broke me from my thoughts. "Y/N?" My hand tensed around the bottle. I jumped to alert as the door creaked open. My thoughts now lost. My eyes soon meet hers as she looked down on me. I took a deep shaky breath "Are you okay?" I shifted and she leaned down pecking my lips. "You're a little odd." She commented before walking off somewhere. I didn't care to look. I kept my gaze on the ceiling. My brain repeating the words. I couldn't do it. I turned over burying myself in the sheets of our paradise. a warm feeling spreading through my body;  a sense of comfort. A felt the gentle pressure of a hand on my back. "Seriously are you okay?" I tried to hide myself in the sheets as tears fell silently. "Look at me." I shook my head in the lilac material. "Why?" Demi wondered and a knot began to form in my stomach. This wasn't fair. I was crying and I had no explanation for why but I was void of an emotion to replace the sadness. we remained this way for a while. Demi's hand gently rubbing my back as I just lay there. She was clueless to what was going on and yet her presence was everything to me.  Eventually the light pressure on my back vanished so I looked up to see nothing but an empty room. Shuffling up the bed my head hit the pillow. A bottle engulfed in my hand. I squeezed it but it's shape remained. I kept trying, adding to the pressure but the bottle never gave in. I could do little to destroy it but this fortress was keeping me alive. My eyes soon fluttered closed starting the journey to unconsciousness which is the only place I wanted to be.

I awoke to a sound I dreaded but it was matched with a sense of warmth from her arms wrapped around me. Holding me close. I listened to try and confirm the sound. It was Demi and she seemed to be crying. "Demi?" I muttered softly. She didn't answer and so I turned in her arms. It was hard to make out but I looked into her brown eyes and it was like my walls were bring destroyed. Even in the darkness I saw a pure sadness. I wiped a tear from her cheek. "What's wrong?" Her arms tensed around me as if trying to pull me closer. It was then I realised my hand was empty. I patted around me as best I could but it wasn't there. "Demi I-" "Y/N don't." Her voice was firm despite her soft demeanour. "But I-" "Y/N..." Her arms vacated from around me. I heard a dreaded sound that reminded me of earlier. She shook the bottle. "You should have come to me." I assumed she put two and two together but considering the bottle was full it mattered not. I would have thought her out of anyone would have understood. She went through so much but I guess it's different when it's not you. It's suddenly why didn't you ask for help instead of I know it's hard. "It's not-" "Don't lie to me." She snapped looking at me - soon realising that was probably a mistake since she turned away. I crawled across the bed, wrapping my arms around her waist. "I'm sorry Demi." Gently, I kissed her shoulder. Resting my head over the place I kissed, I looked down into her hands. The white bottle rolling from Palm to Palm . Back and forth in a slow, steady rhythm. I reached for it and her hand clamped down. "Seriously?" She mumbled. I let go of her as she stood. Looking down on me with an expression I didn't recognise. An uneasy feeling set in my stomach. "What do you want me to say Demi?" "You don't have to say anything." Her expression morphed into one I did recognise. One could only describe it as disappointment. She deserved an explanation but I wasn't sure I could give her one. An awkward silence followed as my mind filled with the screams of my problems. The thing was though I didn't know them well enough myself but I had to say something. "I'm sorry." "For what?" In that moment I wanted to disappear. "You know what." My head fell. "I want you to tell me - I want you to explain to me why I came back in here last night to find you lying on the bed with a pill bottle in your hand." "I didn't take any." I urged. "I didn't know that!" She practically shouted throwing the bottle down. I flinched at her anger. "I was so scared you had done something stupid." My heart felt like it was trying to break out of my chest - I wouldn't blame it if it did. I felt like I had betrayed her despite not doing anything but falling asleep. It just felt wrong and the pain was overwhelming. "Y/N..." The way my name sounds when leaving her lips used to be a wonderful thing, now it was filling me with regret. She sat on the edge of the bed again and I shuffled to sit next to her. Silently she pulled me into a tight embrace. Her arms acting like a safety blanket. Her soft lips grazed my forehead. "I love you." The final straw before tears pricked my eyes. I pulled back from her embrace. "No don't say that." "What why?" She asked, eyes widening at my sudden outburst. "Just please don't." I wondered if she felt as lost as I did. "Do-do you love me?" She stuttered slowly. "Yes so much, don't even question that." It was the only thing I was sure of but I knew she wouldn't believe me. "Then why all this? What's wrong?" The desperation in her voice made my heart crack. "I'm just...it's just...." Her hand graced my knee. "I'm...not as strong as you think I am Demi." I uttered and she just stared back. Waiting for me to continue. I gave a loud sigh. "When I was younger I was on the same position as you in terms of self esteem the only difference is I was never bullied. It was high school when I slipped over the edge and since then I've pretty much been a mess. Fighting my own thoughts because I can't blame anyone but myself. I was left out a lot in high school because I didn't drink or like to party - I was scared of becoming dependent since I was already in a bad place and I guess I'm stuck with the consequences." I explained, quickly hoping my words would just melt into a stream so she wouldn't understand. She remained silent. Looking down in her lap. "Demi?" "Is that it?" Her tone sounded bitter like there should be more to it. I hadn't told her about my issue besides feeling isolated constantly but now I didn't feel like it. "I-what do you mean by that?" I frowned. She looked at me and her features softened. "I didn't mean it like that, I just want to know if there is anything else..." Her beautiful voice trailed off. "I-" "You know, I'm not as clueless as you may think." A simple shrug was my answer. "Every sniffle, every missed place meal. I can hear your stomach growl when you say you've already eaten. I've watched you stare at packets of food when you think I'm not looking. The weight on your bones slowly but surely slipping away. Just because I've seen you eat meals doesn't mean I don't notice the ones you've skipped." I bit my lip, not sure how to respond. I felt trapped. I couldn't deny it. "Why didn't you say anything?" My voice came out as barely a whisper. There was a short pause as she looked away. "I didn't want to believe it." I heard her voice break as if she was telling me something heartbreaking but to her this was. To her it was her girlfriend wishing to be dead instead of with her. To add to it all, I didn't even have to guts to speak to her about it. "I didn't want to think you were unhappy with me. I pushed it off as if it wasn't happening because I didn't want it to be true. You still ate so I convinced myself it was okay. that you were okay but-but I shouldn't have I-" her words stopped abruptly and my head tilted in confusion. She looked at me, tears falling down her pink cheeks. "I should have helped. I should have done something." "Don't cry." I mumbled sympathetically. "What could you do? If you had come to me I probably would have denied it and pushed you away." I admitted, I wiped away a tear but they kept falling like heavy rain only silent. I gritted my teeth in an attempt to stay strong. I couldn't cry too, it'd only make things worse. "I still should have tried. I'm sorry." I pulled her into my arms, not being able to stand her crying much longer. I squeezed her like I never wanted to lose her. Like she was the most precious thing in my world because she was. She was that last shred of hope in my life that I was slowly destroying. "I love you so much Demi. I love you more than anyone can even understand and it's not your fault. None of this is. You're the light in the darkness and I appreciate everything you've ever done for me." A stream of salty liquid began its descent down my cheek. "The only reason I'm still hear right now is because of you. I couldn't put you through that so you've more than helped me Demi." She didn't respond. Just tightened her grip. The only noise the ticking of the clock. Eventually she spoke up, in a way that could only be described as defeated. She pulled away and looked into my Y/E/C eyes. "Are you truly okay Y/N?" At first I thought it was a trick question since she knew the answer. "No Dem." For a moment I thought I saw a hint of a smile grace her lips but it faded quickly. She took a deep breath. "You need help." She stated plainly and I shook my head slowly. She nodded. "You. Need. Help." "No..." Demi sighed considerably loud. "Y/N look, mere hours ago you wanted to kill yourself-" "yeah but I didn't." I interrupted "but you almost did and I'm afraid one day I'm gonna come up here to find you with an empty pill bottle. And I never want that to happen, you deserve to be happy Y/N. You really do and I'm more than happy to help you okay? I'll be there for you the entire time but you need help before it gets worse." I soon found myself crying but not just a little amount. I was sobbing because I'd reached a point I couldn't come back from. And I didn't want to admit it. The words weren't forming. "No." "Y/N please." The look on her face was both sympathetic and stern. I knew I looked more panicked than anything. I don't need help. I'm fine. The words echoing through my brain. Convincing me more and more each second. "As much as I want you to get better were not at a point were I can force you, I can only advise you. I want to lay next to you at night and not be scared to wake up next to a lifeless body." "I won't try again." I urged. "I'm not talking about that, in talking about the way you are now. The light vacant from your eyes because you've already given up. That's not what I want for you. It's not what you should want for yourself." Her hand came to my knee. "You don't need to skip meals. You don't have to feel worthless because you're worth so much to so many people." "No I'm not." Demi pursed her lips. "Well you're worth so much to me and I don't want to lose you." There were truth in her words, I knew there was but it mattered little to me. It annoyed me that she was trying so hard when I just wanted someone to agree with me. To tell me I was as worthless as I felt because then I wasn't sad for no reason. Her finger came into contact with my chin, lifting my head to look at her. She leaned in, planting her soft lips on mine. There was something different though. It felt like she was kissing me for the first time. With so much passion, I couldn't handle it. "I love you." she whispered. "And I just want you to be okay." A soft look of concern. A failed attempt of help. "I love you too."

I didn't know what would happen next. I didn't necessarily agree to anything but I stopped pushing the help she was offering away. I tried to let her in and it was hard. But the life we created together was where I was at now. No longer trapped in the past - a world full of darkness. I want to stay here for the joy she brings me. I want to stay here because she was right. I'm in love with her and I couldn't deny it. She was my World and I couldn't be more grateful.