Imagine that with Demi Lovato (Lesbian Stories)

Whispers of Love: Depressing Thoughts

What if I just close my eyes. Would that make everything go away? Would the world disappear and leave me alone with the darkness in my head. Why is it that I keep waking up to a smiling face lying next to me? I don't want that. I don't want to keep waking up for that matter but even more so I don't want to have her lying beside me. I know things could get better which is why I'm still here wishing for death instead of causing my own. I couldn't do it. Im not strong enough...weak enough. Or maybe it's the girl next to me who stops me everytime. Her sparkling brown eyes. Her cute freckles. Her bright smile. They remind me that there is something good about this world. Not everything could be bad. As I look at her sleeping, she looks so at peace. Like she hasn't got a care in the world which I know isn't true. She tends to get stressed. She gets overloaded with work. She has bad days. Maybe that smile is fake? Maybe it's all a front she has done it before. As I just lay my eyes locked on her, she shifted and I closed my eyes to pretend I was sleeping. My mind was too awake for me to sleep. I checked the clock. Three A.M. She'd be getting up soon, she had commitments to keep. Sometimes I wish she never did. That we could just lay here together forever. That I could wrap her in my arms and everything would be okay. I knew that was impossible especially since everything was far from okay. How do you deal with everything apart from overthinking? Apart from picking a method of self harm that works for you. Self harm isn't just taking a blade and slowly leaving a trail of red in its wake. It could be scratching your arms extra hard to leave marks. It could be shutting everyone out till you're totally alone. It could be restricting your body of basic needs like eating even just for a day. If any of these cross your mind you know you may be a little worse off than you thought. It's all self destructive. Cutting once is still self harm. Skipping one day of meals despite what anyone tells you is self harm. You know it is but you've some how convinced yourself that it's okay. That you deserve it. There is no other option. It makes you feel like you have substance. As time ticked on the thoughts of my own problems weighing down my chest never seemed to vanish.

"Y/N." The other said groggily and all I could do was plaster on a smile.

I was looking at her but now her brown eyes were locked on mine. She didn't say anything else. She just lay there with a hint of a smile on her lips. I loved the small moments of us just being together. Appreciating each other's company. Nothing more to it. Nothing sexual. Just us. Her arm wormed it's way from under the covers just to gently tap me on the nose. Her smile grew as she snuggled up in the blanket. I scrunched up my nose and she just chuckled. I loved her laugh. It was always so genuine. So loud and joyful. It put a smile on my face.

"I love you." I whispered.

"I love you too."

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A/N - I'm trying to make it up to y'all by posting more than once even if it is short 🦄💕