Suck it

Lauren pt 2

The next couple of days seemed to just go by. Since I was an ambassador, I was obligated to go in on the freshmens' first day and help out. This year the freshmen were supposed to be really annoying but for some reason they weren't. I wanted to talk to Brooks' brother, Derek, but he was already hung up on this girl, Cassie. She was hilarious and reminded me of myself freshmen year, so excited to start the next four years of my life. Of course I wasn't there the second the door opened but it was so cool to see someone so positive, unlike all the miserable dramatic cheerleaders I'm surrounded by. 

"Lo are you ready yet?" I heard Miranda call from my bedroom. I quickly looked again at the bathroom mirror and made sure I looked good. My side bangs were french braided back and the rest of my bob was left down and wavy. I put a light, sparkly eye shadow on and some red lipstick.

"Yeah I'm coming out now!" I said, opening the door. Miranda was putting a white bow on her high pony tail. I do kind of miss my long hair, I use to always curl it or have a long braid, but sometimes change is good.

"Okay so are you going to be okay cheering tonight? It's the first game of the season and it's not like you are going to be getting your good luck kiss this time." Miranda said as she put on her white sneakers.

"I won't need a stupid kiss. Cheerleading has always been my thing, Brooks has no effect on my cheering." I replied, avoiding eye contact. She's right, I won't have my good luck kiss. Each game he gave me a kiss on my forehead and made sure any nerves I had were gone. Now I was driving to the game with Miranda and I won't being hanging around the football locker room before the game anymore. 

"Alright say what you want Lauren, but if you go m.i.a. before the game, you better come up with a good excuse." I rolled my eyes as we took our cheer bags and headed for my car. 

Once we got there I parked in the athletes parking lot and let Miranda go out first so I could have a second to decompress. I thought I was over Brooks, but I just can't. The tears started forming thinking about July. I mean I thought we were perfect, I thought that after this year, we'd go to college together, get married and I'll become an NFL wife. Now all my college searches are going to be based solely off of me and I'm not sure if I can do that, I don't know what I want anymore.

"You know, you shouldn't cry, it doesn't look good on you." I jumped up, not thinking anyone was over here. I quickly wiped my face before I looked up. My stomach flipped.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

"Why are you over here, Brooks?" I said, now avoiding eye contact.

"It just...it feels weird since ya know... it'll be our first game since freshmen year..like not together," he was rubbing the back of his neck. That and stuttering always means he's nervous. I didn't know how to respond. 

"I'm sure that freshman is looking for someone to get with again, you can go find her." I snapped, getting my bag. I didn't want to start something since he was opening up again but I couldn't help it. 

"Lauren stop. I am trying here." He pleaded taking a step towards me.

"Just like you were trying on our first day? Or like how you were trying so hard in July?"

"Okay you're right"

"wait what" I said, completely shocked. I was definitely thinking I would be getting yelled at right about now.

"The other day I...I don't know what I was doing. I kinda just got angry seeing you so different and moved on when, like I'm not." I opened my mouth but only tears were leaving my face.

"You don't need to say anything, just please listen." I nodded and let him continue, " You always loved having your hair long and for you to change something so big without me knowing just kinda threw me off. I know I fucked up,I fucked up so bad, but I cannot stand to see you with anyone else and I definitely cannot stand to see you standing alone and crying."

"Brooks you can't just be mean to me one second then like this another. It's not fair. I needed a change because this summer was so bad. You made your choice in July, you can't go back on it now." I said clearing my face and picking up my bag. I started to walk away but he cut me off.

"Lauren I made a mistake and I am so goddamn sorry. Losing you has been the worst thing in my whole entire life and I promise I will fight to win you back. Just please talk to me, what can I do?" He moved close enough for me to smell his axe cologne mixed with his dirty shoulder pads. 

"You really want to talk?" I said, he nodded immediately. "Okay fine. I want to talk about how we were planning to go away at the end of July and on July fucking 9th you hooked up with a fucking freshman. I want to talk about how we were together for two years and you hooked up with a fucking freshman. I want to talk about how you told me you loved me while we were on the phone then you went to a fucking party and hooked. up. with. a fucking. freshman." I screamed. I could see the hurt in his face and how he would look away everytime I said freshman. Although I was crying, I felt better. Once I found out he had cheated, I did not talk to him again until the first day of school. Miranda was the liaison between us. She brought all the crap he left at my house to him and told him it was over. Then brought my stuff back to me. She had gone through my phone and deleted all the pictures on my camera roll and change profile pictures.

"I have no reasonable excuse to give you. I was drunk, and we were fighting and you didn't say you loved me back so I just wanted someone. It meant nothing, Lo. Nothing at all. I meant what I said, I do love you. That freshman was just there when I was being an idiot. I love you so much, please please give me another chance." 

"I-I don't know Brooks. I don't want to say yes and then get your hopes up and regret it, but at the same time I don't want to say no because I still do lo-care about you." I couldn't say love again.

"Fine fine, don't say an answer now, I am so happy I got the chance to talk to you, I miss it. Do you maybe want to go out after the game? Like ice cream or we could get something to eat?" He was smiling so big, it was almost weird to see him this happy again. 

"If you win, I will go out afterwards," I said. 

"Oh you're on." 

It wasn't my good luck kiss, but it sure was a lot better.