He Doesn't Know; I Know

Part Five: Do you wanna be alone?

Calum's P.O.V.

"I should be the one who's dead. I..."

She cut herself off, pulling away. There was a crazy look on her face as she stood up and rushed to the bathroom.

"Fuck!" I cursed under my breathe.

Not again, I thought.

Lately, I've been staying in with her. No, we're not doing what you think we're doing - I respect her a lot. You can say I've changed since that day I've realized how much I'm in love with my best friend - and I pursued on changing for the best when we made it official after that game. I've never slept around with any other girls since then - rather, I come home with her instead. Nothing cozy - all I wanted to do is just be with her and to hold her close.

Especially these days.

Its been a month since the accident - a month since we lost Mark, her brother. Since then, she acted different. She's been having the same dream over and over again. More like a nightmare if you ask me. Its like it is trying to remind her of what happened that night, only causing her to blame herself - making her suicidal.

With her parents' consent, they let me sleepover for most of the time here, seeing that I can calm her down easily. Well, most of the days, its easy. But there are times that she would just shut me down and would listen only to herself.

Some says I should just leave her because she's a little crazy now, that maybe it was out of pity that's why I stayed. But, no, they know nothing - her struggles are my struggles too. The more she's hurting, the more I want to be there for her - cause, damn, its hurting me like hell too, seeing her wasted as if she died along with her brother.

And, honestly, I feel bad about what happened. Not only that I treated Mark as my own brother and losing him was quite awful but, you see, Michelle called me earlier that night. She wanted to go and see the night sky after hearing that there would be a meteor shower. But I was a couple of hours drive away from home, practicing with the team for the international games in Brazil. I could have say no to her when she refused after I told her not to go and pursued on going alone. Or maybe I could have skipped the practice and came with her. Then maybe none of this would happen.

Or maybe I could have even saved Mark.

But it happened and she needs me. I'm not giving up on her.

I followed her, knocking at the door. I can hear noises behind the door. I threw every bit of blades there is but I still hope she doesn't find any sharp object.

"Baby, open up," I said calmly. She's not gonna get any blade, I thought. "Michelle, please. Open the door now."

I was staying as calm as possible for her when I heard the shattering of the glass.

"Damn," I muttered, panicking. I should have thought about that.

Though I know it was locked, I still tried on the doorknob as if it would give away and open. "Michelle! Don't do anything foolish! Open this door! Now!"

No answer.

Shit.

I ran downstairs to look for the key. It was just four in the morning and both her parents were not home yet, having the same night shift at the hospital.

"Come on, now, where is it," I asked no one in particular as I looked at every possible place to where they keys might be.

But nothing.

I rushed back upstairs, heading to the bathroom.

"Baby?" I called. "I'm going to kick this door if you don't open this. So, please, baby. Please."

I closed my eyes, waiting.

Then I heard the click sound, I opened my eyes as she opened the door.

"Oh my god!" I pulled her in a hug. As tough as I wanted to be for her, I know that I'm already crying now. "Please don't scare me like that again. I don't wanna lose you, baby. I love you so much."

My gaze landed on the broken mirror and took me back into senses. I quickly pulled away and grabbed her wrist, checking it both for any mark.

"I didn't," she said. I looked back at her, locking eyes with her bloodshot ones. "I'm... I'm sorry, Calum..."

"No, no," I cooed, kissing her forehead. "Its okay. Its okay."

"Its not," she said, pulling away from me and stepping backwards. "I don't deserve you."

"What?" I asked in confusion. "What do you mean? Are you----"

"I don't know," she sighed. "I---"

"I'm not leaving you, okay?" I said, reaching for her hands. "I'm not going anywhere. Its me who doesn't deserve you. I love you so much. More than you could ever imagine."

"I know," she said.

For a moment, no one spoke a word. I just looked at her, studying her, as she kept her head down. I know she's under a lot of stress and she didn't mean to break up with me. I trust her and our relationship.

And I know she just need some time - I'm giving it to her.

"Do you wanna be alone for awhile?" I asked, tilting her head up with my index finger. Our eyes locked once again as she nodded. "Okay, but you have to promise me something. When I go, don't do anything stupid. Get some rest. Our school starts today. I'm sure you don't wanna miss it."

She smiled a little.

I sighed in relief. At least I know she's excited to go to school.

"I'm sorry, Calum," she started. "I didn't mean it. I'm just---"

"I know," I cooed. "Are you sure you're going to be alright?"

"Yes, I'll be fine," she said.

"Call me when you need anything," I said, pulling her in a hug. I planted a kiss on top of her head. "I love you, Michelle."

"I love you, Calum."

--------------------------------------

A/N: Double update!

Of course, they're not breaking up!
Anyway, another POV from someone else. Guess who could it be?!