One shots ➳ Newt.

The Death Cure: In Paradise

We were in the safe haven, finally. After all the fighting and running, we finally made it to the end. They called it Paradiseㅡ they thought it was a rational name, now that we were finally free from the Flare and evil works of WICKED. However, I was never actually agreed completely. This was no paradise without him.

I was sitting in a café, a couple of friends sitting at the table with me. It was a cold day, and we all had coffee to keep us warm. It had been three years since we have arrived in the safe haven, and much has changed since then. It was slowly becoming a larger town.

It has been more than three years, and I still miss him. His voice echoes in my mind. No matter how much time passes, the feeling never goes away. I still miss his voice. I still love him. The fact that he is not here with meㅡ I still have not completely accepted it.

My friends have always tried to make me get over Newt. No matter how hard they tried, no matter what they did, they have all failed to change my heart. No matter how hard I tried to forget himㅡ I just wish everything didn't remind me of him.

My old friends from the Glade have always been there for me, too. Ever since the day Newt had disappeared from our lives, they've just always been there. Especially Thomas. He must have understood how I felt the most since he, too, also lost one that he loved. Teresa. It must have been less painful for him, though. He has Brenda now. And I have no one.

Talking about Newt didn't depress me. Somehow, it made me smile. Thinking of him made me smile. I wish he were here to see all of thisㅡ to see how we had changed the world and managed to create our own.

"You'll get over him."

"You'll find someone new."

It's the clichés that cause the pain for me. To lose someone you love changes your life forever. You don't get over it because "it" is the person you loved. Yes, the pain will stop. There are new people, but the gap never closes. How could it? The particularness of someone who mattered enough to grieve over is not made tedious by death. This hole in my heart is in the shape of Newt and no one else in the world can fit it. Why would I want anyone else to?

There's a hole in my world, where he used to be. I constantly find myself walking around during the day, and falling in at night. I miss him like hell, and his absence from the world is killing me. When he left, all things soft and beautiful and bright had disappeared from my world.

Unless you were a friend of mine, I hated talking about Newt. Telling someone who he was and what he meant to me hurt me a lot. Some people may not even believe meㅡ I had no photographs of him. Only memories. He was such a perfect boyㅡ too perfect. When I describe Newt to people, I sound like I'm making things up. Making up a story of my own, where I was the princess and he was the prince. He was just far too perfect for a world like this. Newt was like a daydream. And reality shook me awake.

I was 24 years old when someone new came into my life. He was tall, and very handsome. He was also very kind. I had never met a man like him. Not since I've met Newt.

I knew I couldn't let him go. I couldn't keep living in the shadows. Although I had finally moved on from Newt, I continued to keep the promise I made with him five years ago. I'll never forget him, never. And there won't be a day when I'm not missing the blonde haired boy from the Glade.

He was my first love. I'll always miss him.