Finding My Self-Worth

Chapter 2

Rosaria POV

"Hey babe, what you looking at" I say as I slide quite provocatively next to Hayden. We've been dating for almost 5 months, me and Hayden and he's been so good to me and so loyal, and I'm still a virgin. (I know 19 and still a Virgin) He isn't like those other guys, who only want you for sex he's different, more understanding and loving not in a rush. "Yeh B, I'm good" he says with his deep sexy voice. "Yo, B...you lookin bare peng today not gonna lie, got me feeling some type of way" a smile breaks on my face, I love it when Hayden compliments me, he makes me feel like the queen I am. "really babe, you know its all for you yeh" I say flirt fully. "Really, if its really all for me why don't you let me tap that ass" its at this point where I'm conflicted, I love Hayden and I would love for nothing more than to let him have me fully but I just cant give myself to him I'm not ready. " ummm... babe... you know I just aint ready yet...like this is my virginity... its not something I can easily give up, you know what I mean" I can see the pissed look crawling on to his face, oh how I hate that look, it makes me feel like I'm not treating him right, like I'm not treating him like the King he is " whatever B, don't say shit like that if you aint gonna commit" and with that he gets up puts on his shoes and gets ready to leave. "babe I love you and I will commit I promise" I plead to him "yeh whatever B, love you too, I'll holla at you later B" just like that he was gone out he went.

As I go back upstairs I hear a beeping sound of an iPhone, that's odd cause I had a Samsung. as I go into my room I see Hayden has forgotten his phone, I was about to run to give it back to him, his phone starts to ring, on it says SIDETING confused I answer the phone. "Hello" I say " Hey daddy I missed you" a wave of shock comes across my face as I hear a female voice "hello...who's this?", " Wait this is Gloria, where is Hayden?", "he went out why who are you and why did you call him daddy", " ohhhhhhhhhh you must be that YATT Hayden's messing with to pass the time, the one he was dared to take her virginity (at this point I think I almost stopped breathing) yeh I'm his girlfriend Gloria, he said he was gonna leave you soon guess he hasn't done it yet", Everything seemed so unreal to me right now, was this really happening. *BANG BANG BANG* before I could answer my own question I hear someone knocking on the door. I go downstairs to open it and there I see Hayden smiling but that smile disappeared as quick as it had appeared when he realised I was on his phone. confused and hurt I proceed to ask Hayden a question. "Babe, whose Gloria?" as soon as I said that name I saw his face go into a tumble of guilt, but not for hurting me but for being caught, so I ask again as he doesn't say anything " BABE WHO IS GLORIA?" the anger in me was swelling up " Wait B, chill..." I stare at him in disbelief "Basically yehhhh, you weren't giving me nothing so I had to get satisfied somewhere else init, so I got a side ting just for sex init" he says all this with such ease, meanwhile Gloria is still on the phone and heard everything that was said and she starts screaming down but I couldn't hear her not properly as I was still trying to process everything that was said. "F**** YOU N*GGA, I FEAD YOU WITH MY P*SSY YOU A**WHOLE, IM GET YOU D*CKHEAD, GONNA GET MY BOYS ON YOUR LAME A**, YOU AINT SH*T YOU NOTHINK WITHOUT THAT GIRL OF YOURS, IMA EXPOSE YOU" and with that Gloria cut off the phone. Hayden didn't look like he cared all this seemed normal to him as if he had been through it. how could I have been so dumb to think he was willing to wait for me, I loved him(and then it suddenly hit me) he never told me he loved me he never said 'I love you' only 'love you too'.

Hayden turns around to me "babe just deal with it men cheat, I need to be satisfied, the woman needs to satisfy the man, that's what makes her a woman, you weren't woman" I could feel my face getting hot and by body shaking the anger was swelling inside me with deep motivation to make it out. as Hayden tried to come towards me for a hug I immediately lashed out *THWAP* I slapped him so hard across the face, and this made him stagger back and fall. next to him his phone was lying on the floor so I pick it up and smash it into pieces. I reach for brick and throw it straight onto his car windows " You F*CKING A**WHOLE, I LOVED YOU, I WOULD HAVE DONE SO MUCH FOR YOU, HOW COULD YOU? WHY? WHY?" the tears were falling rapidly down my face they were hot and tasted bitter. "Babe, look ...." before he could say anything else my brothers (best friends since primary) Hezekiah and Zachariah appear. I run back into the house crying slamming my room door shut and I quickly grab the razor on my desk and start opening my skin, I do this until I see a whole stream of blood gushing out from my arm and slowly the world starts to go blurry as I fall asleep.