Amateur - A Jon Cozart fic

Chapter 7 - Fake It Until You Make It

*Elise's P.O.V.* 

I wonder if Carm has a four leaf clover in her posession, because not even three hours in L.A. and she's already got Jon motherfreaking COZART in her apartment. They're decidedly awkward together, but it's cute though. I can't say I'm not jealous of her, but I'm just so excited. Right now, I have the opportunity to ask Jon anything I want. And I'm pulling blanks. I'm an idiot. Carm hasn't had much luck in love in the past. I hope this works out for her. Her last ex broke her heart, she gave up everything for them and they left her shattered. Jon's a good man. He'd treat her right. I'm in this skype call with them, watching their chemistry together and it makes me think about my love life.

My last relationship was a rocky one. It was only about four months long, but my emotions ran high and fast, I was on a rollercoaster constantly and I got to a point where every night I was either really sad, or in constant need of affection. I ate too much in attempts to eat away all my feelings and I put on a few kilograms. I centered myself around him and he didn't care. He ignored me, never told me I looked beautiful, flirted with other women while on dates while I pretended not to notice it. And then he left. That was a year ago, and since, I've been alone. I had no trouble with dating before him, and he wrecked me. Carm's been my anchor my whole life, especially through that period of it and a 21-hour time difference isn't going to be the most helpful thing in the world. I'm about to leave uni this year and I realize that I've got no direction. Chemistry degrees are good and all, but I don't know what to do with mine. I snap back into reality and realize that hey, I'm in a skype call and I should probably say something and add to the conversation.

"Jon, I'm so happy that I finally actually get to talk to you. I know the words to all your songs."

"Haha, hey, thanks! It's amazing to think I have fans in places all the way on the other side of the world."

"Well, I'm certainly not the only one."

Carm's stumbled upon so much happiness just within her first day, don't get me wrong, I'm happy for her, but I just wish I could have that too. She's got no furniture, no food, but her eyes are brighter and I don't think I've seen her smile this much in months. She's where she's meant to be. I've got no idea where I'm meant to be.

"Alright, guys, I should probably sign off." I say. "I've gotta get ready to go out, some of the chemistry degree buds are going out for a drink."

"Alrighty, see ya later, Elise." Carm smiles and waves into the camera. "Catch you next time, yeah?"

"You got it!" I reply, faking a smile.

"It was nice to meet you." says Jon, and it genuinely looks like he means it.

"Thank you, you too! Alrighty, bye bye now!" I close my laptop, and wander down to the bathroom. I'm a mess. My dress is ruffled up, my hair is all over my face. I don't have my life together. I don't and I can't stand it. I'm either thrown right into my studies, or I'm lying around the house watching tv shows eating more than I should and doing nothing productive, or I'm at a bar, drunk. At least I won't be alone this time, right?

"Okay, Elise. You're going to put your face on, straighten up your dress, curl your hair and you're going to look presentable. You're going to have fun tonight, yeah? You're better off without Ryan, okay?" I look into the mirror, talking to myself. I can't believe my own lies. I'm not having any sorts of fun.

"Well, fake it till you make it, then. Act like you having fun until you truly are."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~''

Well that took a dramatic and slightly sad turn.

What do you think of Elise's troubles in life? Do you hate Ryan, her douchey ex? What do you think will happen next?

Thanks for reading! Love all y'all cinnamon rolls!

~Ellen Cozartist