Save Me. {A Joe Sugg FanFiction}

nine

WARNING: Self Harm and blood are mentioned in this chapter! Do not read on if you're squeamish or don't like self harming/ or mentions of such.

It's been a few days since Caspar left.
Joe hasn't talked to me.
I haven't talked to Joe.
Alexa hasn't picked up on Skype for ages.
I'm alone.
The thought has been with me for weeks.
Self harm.
Take the pain away.
You don't deserve to be happy.
It's right there.
I don't do anything productive.
I lie there in bed thinking.. Just thinking and nothing else.
Who knew two people who used to be situated on a screen could have this much effect on my life.
I can't shake away the thoughts.
I have to.
I must.
I take a deep breath and go to the kitchen, my bare feet cold against the marbled floor.
The blade is where it always is: right at the back of the cutlery draw, underneath the carving knife.
I take it.
I close the draw and slide down the onto the floor in a heap.
I start crying.
You're worthless.
Caspar was lying.
Eric was right.
You are the ugliest girl.
And I slit the blade across my wrist.
Beads of blood forming a connected pattern.
I go again and again and again until my arm is on fire and caressed with dollops of blood.
But that doesn't suffice.
I roll up my pyjamas.
My thighs are thin. No inch of fat surrounds them.
I draw the blade across my thighs.
This time it bleeds easier. There's not as much fat.
I'm fat.
I scream in frustration and throw the blade across the tiled surface.
It clatters and skids.
I haven't eaten for 3 days and the effect on my body is drastic.
I go into the bathroom and strip in front of the mirror.
My thighs used to slightly wobble as I walked. They now are literally all bone.
My knees are pointy.
My ribs and hips stick out and every single bone is pronounced.
My collar bone also juts out.
My arms are thin and practically bone too. My elbows pointy.
I stare and my self: what have I done?
A slight ooze of blood is dripping down my leg and I decide to have a shower.

It's like a blood bath.
Every touch of water sends pain shooting through my body and I lock my teeth to prevent me from screaming.

I need Joe.
I need him to help me.
I need him to save me from what I do to myself.

I dry myself quickly and put my pyjamas back on. Not giving two hoots whether Joe is put off by it or not.

I race over to his flat and pound on the door.
'Joe!?' I shout.
I hear padded footsteps and the door clicks open.
Before I can stop myself I press my lips to his.

Joe's POV

'Joe!?' I hear Emma knock loudly on the door. I hurry over, she sounds upset.
I quickly unlock the door and she's there, standing in her pyjamas, wrist cut and tears streaming down her face.
And then she kisses me.
It feels as if electric currents are shooting through my body. I kiss her back, my hands going down to her waist and hers tangle in my hair.
I pick her up and she wraps her legs around me.
I go to the sofa.
I pull away for breath, not wanting to but I need to talk to her.
Emma bites her lip, her eyes boring into mine.
'Joe?' She whispers again.
I put my finger to her lips.
'Sssh, it's ok Emma. I'm here.' And I pull her into an embrace.
There's no denying it.
I am truly in love with her.