Naturally

Naturally (A Jacob Black Fanfic) -28-

Jake’s POV

“She couldn’t just throw that onto Jake right then! I wouldn’t put it above him to assume it’s a desperate stunt to get him to let go of Bella and he’d leave Merris definitely! She had to consider the right timing. At that moment, she had to wait until he had a clear head and his priorities set! She wouldn’t add a baby into this mess of his, not yet.” Leah said from the other side of the house.

I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t hear any more of this!

I pushed myself off the wall and leapt off the porch, desperate for to get as far away from them as possible. My head was already crammed, scrambling to get a hold of all this information.

I rounded the brittle railing and ran past the front of the house where my eyes caught a glimpse of Marisol’s room, dimly lit blue from the TV I presumed. I only slowed down my hasty pace by milliseconds but her window stayed in my view for the longest time.   

“When I left later that day, I saw a glimpse of her in her window. She gave me a weak wave and her face still haunts me today. Her eyes were sunken in and darkened, like the life was sucked right out of her. I was thinking that she could very well consider suicide over telling Jake but I should’ve known better than doubt her like that.”

I tried to shake Leah’s voice out of my head but an image was already being carved into my head and I shuddered at it. The Marisol she described was so much like the one I saw only an hour ago. But the realness of the circumstances pitted my heart deeper into my stomach.

“…so you see she wasn’t fighting for her anymore but for a family. The baby needed one and she did her damnedest to give it one but Jake was too set on Bella.”

I growled at her words, pushing myself farther until the glow of her window no longer was visibly in the intense blackness of the night.

Why must Leah always remind me of that? Bella this, Bella that. I had lost Marisol but I’m still suffering the loss the Bella. I was hurting, too, and as angry as I was at Bella for giving up her life like that just to be with that bloodsucker, I still care about her and I had to resist the urge to punish Leah for her harsh tones about her.

But at the same time, the plain truth had sunk in. I had put Bella above Merris, and now I learn, a family, too. I didn’t realize how much my simple mindedness had cost. I could only imagine how scared Merris was, alone and unprepared. She wanted to trust me, like she could have before, but I blew it. She couldn’t trust me at all, not even with our child.

I felt myself stiffen, getting ready to shift any moment now that my entire body was enveloped with anxiety.

But she still robbed me! Not only did she break my heart, she denied me my right to being a father. Bella or not, she shouldn’t have put her feelings first! She could’ve still trusted me, maybe not as a romantic partner but she had no basis to doubt my responsibility. I would’ve put my kid above everything else, even Bella. How could she have no known that? In fact, I probably would love him or her more than Merris and Bella combined. I may have been torn between two women but I would never put my child with that mess, I would treat him or her separately, and deal the drama on the side. I growled again, angrier. She was selfish, her judgment was tainted. She wasn’t thinking about what was good for our child but was good for her!

I skidded to a stop, falling onto my knees, succumbing to the growing rain. I caught my breath, just now realizing how sour and dry it was. I would have to get water, I thought, clutching my gasping throat.

“Jacob?”

My head shot up from the wet gravel and up to a towering figure. I recognized his round face from anywhere. Only he still had that child-like appeal that the rest of us lost as soon as our humanity was stolen.