Naturally

Naturally (A Jacob Black Fanfic) -24-

Still Jacob's POV

I was restless and couldn’t decide whether to just go to bed or check on Marisol while making my way up the stairs slowly. Stepping on the final step, I was still indecisive.

Well it was midnight and I betted she was already asleep, so I doubt she would notice if I took a peek inside her room. But there was a chance she wasn’t there and I wouldn’t be able to live through the panic. I didn’t put Merris above running off because of her unpredictable nature, plus I didn’t know how strong her other side was and there was a chance it had taken over again. If I walk into another trap, where she’s gone mentally and replaced solely on animal instincts, then that was a recipe for a huge disaster.   

I shook off those dreadful thoughts and stopped in front of her door. Slowly I turned the knob and extended my neck into the room. It was pitch black except for a dim glow, radiated by her cell phone, on the nightstand. I faintly saw a mount in the middle of the bed and assumed it was her body shape, cocooned in blankets.

My let out a sigh and my paranoia dropped. I felt safe to step inside and I silently closed the door behind me, leaving only a crack open. I was careful not to make sudden movements and instead of risking her feeling my presence by sitting on the bed, I took a safe distance from her sleeping figure by plopping onto the desk chair. I watched for a good while as she slept soundly, peacefully, and comfortably. It was nice to see her relax for once. Every other time I’ve seen her she’s tense and ready to pounce.

It’s hard to believe she isn’t the Marisol I knew anymore. I didn’t want to say she wasn’t human because it made me cringe but it was true, she wasn’t normal anymore. She was one of us and we both hated it. I never wished this upon her!

Maybe that was why she turned so cold. Her life has always been hard but when someone steals your humanity and you have to flip everything upside down in your life just to adapt, I can see why she’s bitter and frustrated. She shouldn’t have to suffer like this. Why couldn’t she have continued her human life? Who could be so ruthless and cruel that he could steal something as priceless as humanity? She didn’t want to be one of us. It scares her, we scare her. She doesn’t know what to expect or how to prepare herself. She is so unsure and to protect others, she’s shut them out of her life, just like I did when I first phased. Unlike me though, she never accepted her new life. She fought with all her power against her second nature just to be human and its eating her up inside.

Of course, I shouldn’t be able to know about her internal conflicts or her life. I’ve missed so much of it. But I had to know and that’s why I sought some answers from Tony. He was hesitant at first but I think we wanted me to be aware of all her issues. He wanted me to be very careful with her and made sure to reason why.

Watching her closely, I recalled our conversation again but under a magnifying class now that I could compare it and Merris together.

“You told me she’s always been confident with herself, how bold and brave she was. Mary,” I made sure to give him a nasty look when he said her name wrong. He just rolled his eyes. “Or Marisol, we’re still talking about the same person here so it doesn’t matter what we call her. Anyways the Merris,” (he made sure to annunciate her nickname, as if to mock me.) “-the Merris you know was always so sure about herself. She knew what to expect and could prepare for anything. That sounds about right because as soon as she was bitten, her life did a one-eighty. She no longer knew herself or what she could do. She didn’t comprehend the changes in her life or understand how to adapt. She gave up trying to adjust to her new body and focused on keeping everything the same but easier said than done. She was always on edge when she visited her friends or around us. She didn’t know if she changed or if something would set her off. The pain was unbearable, too. Trust me, I know. It took me a while as well to cope with it. Every ache and sore was on a bigger scale so on a human form, it was three times as aggravating. She could barely stand up straight. But she’s resilient and learned to ignore it. I was envious of how easy she could shove the pain aside.”