Naturally

Naturally (A Jacob Black Fanfic) -31-

Marisol’s POV

I didn’t know what to think, how to react, or what to do. I was overwhelmed. I didn’t know what the office looked like but I didn’t think of it as a big deal, not until I was greeted by my own face.

My own face from 6-7 years ago, sprawled all over his desk and walls. I swore the room dropped in degrees from the coldness of those memories printed around us. Though there were as many pictures of the rest of the pack, Bella (the ones I made a point to either a, glare at, or b, avoid), Billy, the ones that seemed to pierce the deepest part of me and spark tears that I had hoped the dim lighting hid, and even some other Cullen family members. It all reminded me of the ghost of my past life that seemed to haunt me everywhere I went and I was finally staring face-to-face with it.

It all seemed to cave on in me and the numerous eyes behind me, examining me, perhaps even dissecting me, only added to my shame.

Looking at me from the lenses of a camera really wrote a different perspective on myself now. There was a significant difference, no doubt, from my naïve self to what I became later in life. My smile was wide, open, and free. It wasn’t forced as I sat between Embry and Quil on Jake’s front steps. I was so at ease with the two, at the point I trusted them, just like I did with Jake. The harsh reminder slapped me into the face. How easily I could have left myself vulnerable with them, any of them.

Yet another question slipped into my mind, too.

We were all alike at some point. Not a care in the world and all accepting of changes because we could depend on each other. Why did that change? I knew when but never could understand why. They could trust me but for some reason, banished me, but for what? I managed to push those thoughts away a long time ago but now that I’m back, the curiosity was really itching at me.

I understood why Jake did. It was me or Bella and since he couldn’t have both, he put his bets on Bella over me. But why were the rest of them willing to join his side? What did I do that convinced them I was bad?

I set the picture down before it could take any more hits on my personal wall that I worked so hard to heighten to protect the little girl inside of me. They already wounded me enough. The memory alone could destroy a person. It almost killed me.

“Are you alright? Marisol?”

Her voice didn’t register as I got the hell out of the room. I needed to escape. Leah’s reflexes caught me right before I was too far. I didn’t turn around.

“Merris, please, what’s wrong?” She pleaded.

I couldn’t let the past go. That was the problem. I took a deep breath and fell into her arms as my heart, heavy and hard, weighed me onto the ground. Kim and Olivia circled around me, staring bewildered at my pathetic state.

My legs curled up on the hard wood. As uncomfortable as the cold surface was, my body was numb and I couldn’t motivate myself to stand up. I felt that low so I might as well get comfortable on the ground, ready to get trampled again.

“Merris, Merris, listen to me, baby. I got you. Don’t worry about anything else! I swear it’ll get better.”

Her words used to work for me before but reality was stronger than her grip. I knew it wasn’t. I didn’t belong here and as cowardly as running away was, I considered it. I ran away from my problems once before and it worked out. Why would this time be any different?

“Everybody says all’s fair in love and war. Didn’t they consider prisoners or causalities of war? Those who invested too much and lost everything? Nothing’s fair in love and war. I was one against something so much stronger than I and took everything I had. I had to start fresh but have to be reminded of what could’ve been if the outcome was different. I can’t do it again. Don’t you think I’m already taunted enough?”