Naturally

Naturally (A Jacob Black Fanfic) -34-

Jacob Black’s POV

“Let me go, bastard! Let me go! Get your hands off of me,” Merris shouted. Even though each word hit me, just like he small fist did against my chest, I kept holding onto her squirming body. I didn’t hold on before and she left; I wouldn’t repeat that.

Suddenly she stopped fighting me but her breathing was still heavy, showing that her anger didn’t dissipate like I had hoped. She stayed there for a minute and felt like everything was still and frozen in place. The air was chilly and a slow shiver ran up my spine. It wasn’t a welcomed silence.

“I’m so sorry Merris. I’m so sorry Merris. Please,” I tried to continue but my throat tightened and squeezed the words back down into my stomach where my they fluttered nervously.

She was devastated. I had ruined her life and she had every right to hate me because of it. I could’ve been there though, when she lost our baby. She needed me and wasn’t there. I was a failure as a protector. She paid dearly for my incompetence.

“It’s a bit too late for that, Jacob.” Her voice was icy and goose bumps sprouted on the surface of my skin. And then she slipped out of my grasp from underneath my arms. I watched her with my peripheral vision. She leaned against the opposite counter and watched me with coal black eyes. Gone were her chocolate brown orbs, instead her deepest emotions took over.

Behind her black curtains, though, I knew how much turmoil she was suffering. There were so many unresolved problems hidden under her thin flesh. As tough and thick-skinned she tried to make herself be, there was no fooling me. She was scared of me, she was angry with me, but because of that fear, she couldn’t confront me about these underlying issues that caused us both so much misery.

“So, what’s your story after I left?” She instigated.

My throat was dry and I eyed the wine bottle behind her. I didn’t go after it though. No, I wouldn’t invade her space. She wanted distance for a reason. Subconsciously I rubbed my hot cheek. I learned my lesson. The sensation still stung and I winced at the reminder. Just thank God all you received was a slap. With all of her madness, you could’ve been stabbed, if she realized how close the knives were.

“I looked for you up and down. I waited a week here, hoping you’d come back, that it was just a stunt you pulled to get our attention, but when Friday passed, I knew you weren’t coming back. You were done with La Push, with us, with me. I couldn’t stand it. It drove me mad, to be away from you, not knowing if you were okay or not. I couldn’t sleep, I called your phone every night just to hear your voice, even if it was recorded, I didn’t care. I was a wreck. I convinced Edward to fly me out to Boston after I heard a rumor you went to live with your friend, Taylor. Embry came with me and we tried to talk to Taylor’s family, secretly hoping you’d open the door,” I said. My voice was pathetically desperate. Marisol unexpectedly interrupted.

“And what if I did? What if I opened the door? What you do?”

Her voice was barely above a whisper and I heard her stutter, like she was having a hard time coming out with the words.

I turned around to face her. Her face was hardened, opposite of what I pictured, hinted at her vulnerable voice. Words didn’t matter to her. So many people lied to her she wouldn’t believe anything I said. Words certainly wouldn’t touch her stone heart. 

I took a step forward, closing a huge gap between us, and gently touched her arms. Her eyes twitched with an emotion her black orbs quickly devoured.

“I would get down on one knee and beg you to come back. I can’t tell you how many times I would apologize for you to believe but trust me I will apologize until you do forgive me. What do I need to do? I’ll do anything!”