Damaged...But Not Broken

Trying to Pick Up the Pieces

Needing to get away, Jessica is at her favorite coffee shop. It's small, cozy and she feels safe while she's here. She stares out the window drinking a cup of tea and is taking a break from writing in her journal. Her face is full of sadness; she lets out a sigh and continues to write.
"I needed to get away from my apartment, I've been cooped up in there for a while. I've been in New York for 5 months now and still I feel like I will never be whole again. It was tough getting out of my relationship with Sam. I loved him with all my heart, but it wasn't enough. Things had gotten so bad between us, I still don't understand how we grew apart. I guess it the lack of work Sam was getting when things started to fall apart. I had done a couple of films but Sam and I decided I would quit acting so we could try and start a family. Sam's agent tried getting him work but nothing was coming in, or should I say, Sam didn't like the scripts that he was being given. In between that we were trying for a baby. After a while I started to lose hope that we would never conceive a child. Sam started drinking more and we would get into arguments all the time. Any little thing would provoke him. He started blaming me for everything, and that's when he started hitting me. The first time after he did he quickly apologized and because I loved him so much I accepted his apology. Anytime after that I started to make excuses for him and I even started to think that things were my fault. When I found out I was pregnant I was so terrified of raising a child in that environment. When I told Sam I was pregnant he changed! He treated me like a queen...but it didn't last long. I was 3 months pregnant going on 4 when he started to hit me again. I left that night, I knew I couldn't stay anymore, I was tired and I needed to protect my baby. I drove around town all night. When the sun came up I knew I had to go back home and pack. Sam had meeting that morning so I drive back home. When I got there his car was in the drive way but it wasn't the only car in the drive way. Anger rose up in me; I walked into the house seeing a trail of clothes leading to our bed room. There was Sam in our bed with another woman. I couldn't believe he had down this to me! I yelled for him to wake up and the woman woke up with a scared look on her face. She said "Who are you?"
"I'm his wife!!!!" I yelled.
Sam woke up as I asked the woman how long has this been going on.
"6 months." she answered.
I told that woman to leave my house. She ran out picking up her clothes all the way out the door. Sam pulled on his pants and I just stood there too angry to say anything. After what seemed like forever I started to pack my things. Sam yelled at me telling me that I wasn't going to go anywhere. I tried to calm myself because I knew he was getting to his point of losing it and hitting me.
"I can't believe you did this to me Sam." I whispered.
"Did this to you?!" He yelled. "How about you doing this to me! You shut me out I had to find something that didn't make me feel like a piece of shit husband!"
"So we decide to start a family which you agreed that I would quit acting while you said you would support us, and I made you want to go fuck some tramp!!!! Now you're just a piece of shit cheating husband!"
He started to beat me and I tried to fight back. He fell and I just started to run out of the room. He followed. I got to the living room when he caught up to me. He pushed me to the floor for on top of me and started punch me.
"Stop Sam! Stop! Think about the baby!" I yelled.
But it was no use. I manage me to kick him off me, I stumbled out he door. He grabbed my hands and we struggled for a bit. He lost his grip on me but I lost my balance and fell down the porch steps. Intense pain shot through my midsection. Just then the cops showed up. The neighbors heard us fighting and called them. They saw me on the ground and Sam ran back into the house. One officer ran after Sam and the other asked what had happened.
"I'm 4 months pregnant and I fell down the steps when I was trying to get away from him!" I cried out in pain. I didn't remember anything else after that. Next thing I know I'm in the hospital and the doctor tells me that I had a miscarriage. My heart that was already broken, crumbled into dust. I pressed charges on Sam and filed for divorce. When I got out of the hospital I packed and came to New York. I'm trying really hard to forgive and move on but I can't. If I hadn't gone back into that house I would be holding my baby in my arms right now. I won't ever trust a man again. Love and trust are no longer words that mean anything to me."
As tears roll down her face, Jessica closes her journal, gets some tissue and dabs her eyes. She turns to the window again and sips her tea. She wonders how she will move on with her life because right now she feels like an empty shell.