Silence~ (Book 1 of Cycle of Life)

Chapter 9: Downfall

"Your mind's made up?" I asked Tao. He nodded and I looked at him, "I'm sorry..." Was all I could say. "You don't have to apologize, it's not your fault, hyung." I looked down, "We just had a comeback... Now you make an exit." Tao had tears in his eyes, "Hyung... The company doesn't look at me the same as you. Also... I had enough of being treated like a toy." I looked down in shame, "I'm... Sorry... I..." Tao hugged me tightly, "Hyung... I forgive you... And it's not just... I've always looked up to you... You were so good at singing... I'm just a rapper that raps high pitched." I stared at the bed and sighed, "Even I don't know... I might consider to leave Exo as well..." "Hyung, why? You can't leave them!" "I don't know, Tao... It all depends on fate."

Tao: I shook Chen very hard, "Please don't leave Exo, hyung! They need you, and plus... The company didn't do anything bad to you compared to me, Luhan and Kris hyung." He had tears in his eyes and hugged me tighter. His whole body was shaking. "What's wrong, hyung? Did something bad happen?" I asked. He let go and wiped his tears, "Tao... It's just... It's really hard for us... It's like everyone is leaving..." I had tears falling from my eyes also but I kept blinking to keep it from falling. "Tao... What will you do if I would to pass away soon like... In a few months?" I shook my head, "That would never happen! I know you will live long and long. I love you, hyung!" He managed a smile and touched my hand. I touched his hand as well. "I love you too, Tao. I love Exo to the bottom of my heart."

May 2015

Lay: The company went harsh on us since Tao left. We went busy preparing another comeback after only months of debuting Exodus. Everyone was tired by the end of each day. Chen in particular... His sickness seemed to come back... He started to vomit, didn't eat as much... He was always in trouble breathing by the end of practice. Some of us told him to go see the doctor, but he insisted that he was just not used to this. I couldn't watch him as much since I had a studio in China. Soon...

~

June 2015

Love me right repackage finally came out... The album also included the music video song, Love Me Right, Tender Love, First Love, and the one Lay, Chanyeol and I composed, Promise. That was a good thing to all the fans and Exo, but not to me... My sickness came back... I've went through multiple therapies and surgeries... The doctor said it won't do any good. My death is nearby...

Lay: There was another concert today. Everyone waited quietly for our turn to perform. Baekhyun did some voice warm ups while Xiumin ate a sandwich. I was sitting as still as I could and waited patiently. D.O came over and told us that SHINee sunbaes were almost done and we need to go up. The whole group went up and watched them finish up. "Guys... Where's Jongdae?" Suho asked. I looked around but no sign of him. The stage crew gave us mics and said we were up. Suho kept looking behind for Chen, but no signs of him.

Suho: Where is Chen? We got up on stage and got into positions. As we started, I caught Chen running up to his place. D.O was eyeing him worried. Chen shook his head and did a thumbs up. I danced my full potential and sang my best in my Love Me Right parts. The fans were cheering at us. We will prove that we can sing without lip syncing. During the middle, Chen was doing good but then he stumbled and choked on his part. The song continued but I could tell that the fans were confused and shocked. Chen had missed his part and caused lip syncing to take his place. He looked ill and tried to hide behind D.O to rest.

The song Promise was no joke. I was so emotional from the song, however... Chen wasn't singing... he was lip syncing and his lips were barely moving. I decided to talk to him after the performance. "Jongdae... Tell me why..." He looked up and shook his head. He tried to leave but I grabbed his arm, "We are one... Remember that. If one of us is hurt, we all will bear the pain with you." He was silent for a while but he finally broke free and continued walking, "This pain cannot be shared, it will be forever be locked up inside of me." I watched him disappear down the hall. It was the last time I heard his voice ever again...

~

'did you see Chen? He was lip syncing.'

'Ikr, and I thought he was the best singer.'

'Such a disgrace... He shouldn't be in Exo. There's still Baekhyun and D.O who are way better at singing than him.'

'you saw his stumble during the performance? Bad enough that he can't sing, he can't even dance.'

'Technically, he never was good in dancing, now he can't even sing either.'

'Will you all quit it?! Chen is a great singer, he must've felt tired that day!'

'Girl, you're stuck in a dream, Exo can't sing for life, Chen can't sing for life, probably lip sync the music videos too.'

'Chen needs to get out of Exo.'

I shut off my phone and threw it across the room. I am a disgrace... They don't need to continue. I started to cough badly, but I didn't care... If I were to die now... They should just take me away. I don't belong here anymore, just going to be a burden if I remain here. Six months to live... It's been six months... I thought that I will remain healthy, no... That was a joke. Even the doctor said my condition never improved from the start... That moment was just a dream, a nightmare for me to think I can be back to normal. I knew some people think I'm leaving Exo, I knew Suho was losing hope of me... I could no longer prove myself. I'm nothingness, I'm an angel with broken wings I hate myself... I want to die... The medicine wasn't helping me at all...