Letters To Gavin.

Chapter 14

[A/N: happy birthday to the lovely Michael Vincent Jones, you cute little shit god damn do we love you. ♥]

(Michael's p.o.v)

It's been a rough week.

I'm constantly telling myself that I need to get over him, that he doesn't want me, but the other half of me refuses to listen.

Gavin's scheduled to come back in three weeks, and I can't bring myself to face him. I don't know what I'd do when I see him, but I don't think I want to find out.

Rough doesn't come close to how fucking painful this has been for me.

Barbara and I see each other constantly, as well as Ray and the occasional Geoff and Griffon. I think they see through me better than I thought but I'm not complaining, they're all wonderful people to be around.

 I keep having dreams, too. Nightmares.

They'd start out like a dream, a really good dream. Everything is nice and perfect, and then it all goes down from there.

"Baby, I'm home." I called out, closing the door of our new house.

"Gavin?"  I asked, walking down the hallway to our bedroom.

I opened the bedroom door to see Gavin and Dan making out wildly. Dan's hands were roaming every inch of Gavin's perfect skin, while Gavin tugged at his hair.

And I stood speechless.

"G-Gavin?" I choked out, tears threatening to fall.

"Oh, hey Michael." He said calmly, going back to eating Dan's face.

"W-What do you think you're doing?" I asked, going from shocked to furious.

"I think it's pretty obvious what I'm doing." He said, sounding annoyed.

"But, Gavin, we're engag-"

"Here." He cut off, pulling his engagement ring and throwing it in my direction. "I won't need it anymore."

"Gavin, please don't." I said, letting soft tears fall from my face.

"Shut up. I'm busy."  He said, eyeing Dan lustfully.

"I love you, Gavin. You're the love of my life. Please, don't do this to me."

He laughed devilishly. "Did you actually think I loved you? Oh please Michael, don't be so pathetic. You're nothing to me. You never have been. I would have thought you'd be smarter than that."

"Gavin, no!" I cried out, feeling my heart shatter as I fell to the ground. 

I would wake up horrified. The dreams were so detailed, they looked like they actually happened. Sometimes in my dreams, the worst ones, Gavin didn't even know me.

It's been over a year since I've seen Gavin.

You would think after the first couple of months, I would slowly get over his absence, but I didn't. I never did.

The sound of his voice, that stupid accent, and the way it would give me butterflies when he whispered 'I love you'. The way he would hold me by the waist and attack my face with kisses until I gave in and kissed him back. How long he stayed by my side, despite my short temper. That lazy smile he'd greet me to when we woke up every morning. How, no matter how angry I was or what mean words I said to him, he would still smile and love me, because deep down, he knew I loved him more than anything.

I missed him so much it practically killed me.

There isn't a day that goes by without thoughts of him swimming through my mind.

I'm meeting up with Ray for lunch today. He's stayed with me since Gavin left, and I couldn't be more thankful for having a friend like him.

 "I got us a table and everything, and Geoff called and said we could all go over later." He said.

"Sweet. I'm at the Gamestop a block down so I'll walk."  I replied, hanging up and walking out into the heat that accompanied Texas every summer.

I quickly crossed the street, smiling to myself as I saw the restaurant in view. I was just about to walk up to the doors when I swore I saw someone look strangely familiar.

I continued to watch him walk down the street parallel to the one I was on and wait for the streetlight to turn red so could cross.

And I know I know him somehow.

As his figure moved closer into vision, he became more detailed. 

That's when I figured out who he was.

I didn't stop to think, I just ran. 

"Gavin!" I called out, feeling overjoyed and heartbroken all at the same time.

He stopped as he heard his name, looking puzzled.

"Gavin!"

He turned to face me, giving me a confused look.

"Oh my god, Gavin. I missed you so much." I said, out of breath and in tears.

"Um, hi. Have we met before?" He asked.

"Gavin, you idiot. Yes we've met before. Y-You don't remember?"  I said, lowering my voice.

"I'm afraid I don't. I'm sorry." He said, giving me a sympathetic smile before walking off, leaving me in the center of the street.

And before I could move fast enough, the light turned green, and all I saw was Gavin's face before everything went black.

My brain constantly tortures me with these thoughts, and even real memories between Gavin and I become twisted and dark.

This can't keep happening to me. This has to stop.

I'll go mad. I'll lose it. 

And I've already lost enough.