Aurélie

Chapter Twenty Five

1989

Lena got to Lucille's house by nine the next morning, rushing through her morning routine to catch the number 14 bus from the two bedroom flat she used to share with Lucille in Sloane Square to her new house along the Fulham Road. She let herself in using the set of keys Lucille had cut for her as soon as she had moved in three years ago.

Aurélie was playing with her toys on the varnished wooden floorboards in front of the fireplace, the TV on in the background. Just three years old she was already very vocal.

"Len, Len!" She squealed, all big brown eyes under a straight cut fringe and a tangle of shoulder length chestnut hair. She was still in her maroon and white plaid pyjamas. Lena dumped her bag down and left her keys on the glass-topped pine coffee table. Picking Aurélie up, she gave her a cuddle.

"Hello gorgeous, where's Mum?" Aurélie nestled her head into the crook of Lena's neck and then suddenly lifted her head and looked directly at her godmother. This wouldn't be the first time she would look at her goddaughter and see eyes peering back at her, far older than the body they were in.

Aurélie's voice was very quiet and serious "Mum's in the kitchen, but we mustn't make a loud noise. She's very sad at the moment."

"Ok darling, I promise to be very quiet. You carry on playing here and I'm going to go and see if Mum would like a cup of tea." Lena said as she put her down again. Aurelie busied herself with her toys, clearly thinking that her warning was sufficient. Such a wise head on young shoulders.

Lena walked back out of the living room and headed down the long hallway that connected the kitchen to the rest of the house.

"Sweetie, are you down here?" As she entered the kitchen she saw Lucille with her back to her, looking out of the kitchen's French windows, into the garden. Lena noticed she was also still in her dressing gown, blue stripy pyjamas just visible beneath the hem, pink slippers on her feet. She turned to face her old friend and it was clear she hadn't had any sleep. Her face was pale and drawn, you would never put her at nearing twenty five. Her hair was pulled back into a rough bun and there were dark stains under her red rimmed her eyes.

"Oh Len, I'm so glad you're here!" Her right hand came up to her mouth, nails bitten down, and she sobbed, shoulders slumping forward.

"I've been an absolute mess since he left," she wiped the sleeve of her crimson dressing gown across her face as Lena embraced her. She squeezed her so hard, wanting to show how she was hurting for her and Aurélie, that Lena was just as pissed off at Rory.

As Lena held Lucille she sobbed into her shoulder and Lena felt like her arms were holding up a collapsing sand castle. She used every fibre in her body to provide the strength Lucille needed. Lena guided her to one of the chairs at her mahogany farm house table and sat her down, moving to fill up and turn on the kettle.

"Relie says you're sad. Does she know anything?" Lena asked.

"No, I haven't mentioned him yet. I've been up since he left, just in case he had reconsidered and came back. I only got Relie up half an hour ago. She's been good as gold, quiet as a mouse in the front room." Lucille wiped her eyes with the back of her dressing gown sleeve.

"She said we had to be quiet because you were sad," Lena said gently.

"She's a poppet. I told her I had a headache but she could clearly see something was wrong because she put her hands on her hips and said "ok Mum" like it was a regular occurrence or something," Lucille choked back a weak laugh.

"She's a wise owl," Lena sighed. The kettle had boiled and she made them both a cup of tea, funny how everyone always makes tea in times of crisis isn't it?

"Tell me what happened, love," Lena asked.

"I don't even know where to begin."

Lena sipped then blew on her steaming cup of tea and looked over the table at her best friend. So diminished from the life and soul of the party that she had always been. Now Lena was looking at the husk of a person who had been left bewildered by a bolt of lightning. Lucille's knuckles were white as her hands clamped her cup, elbows up on the table and shoulders hunched. She stared at her mug as she started to talk.

"Len, it hasn't been right since I had Aurélie. Not really. Sure he was happy, anyone can look at him when he's with Aurélie and see the love that radiates from him, he is so proud of her and he has every right to be, she is our beautiful child."

"But?" Lena asked.

"But between us, it just, it never really returned to that heady passion we had before we married. I guess I was just so tired all the time and he works late and..."

"I'm going to stop you there," Lena butted in, "there is no chance I am going to sit here and listen to you blame yourself. Rory left you, his wife and his only child in the dead of night. Without a word. Who does that?"

"I don't know" she shrugged, eyes downcast.

"This sounds awful but shit, I have to ask," Lena reached across the table to her friend. Lucille looked at her, her eyes pleading Lena not to ask. Is there anyone else?

"Not that I know of. He's oddly traditional like that, honouring his vows, being a one woman man and all that bollocks," she laughed harshly and it echoed around the kitchen.

Aurélie padded into the kitchen clutching her rag doll.

"Mummy better?"

"Nearly petal. You want a biscuit?" Aurélie rubbed her eyes and yawned, nodding. Lucille picked her daughter up and held her tightly before walking over to the counter and getting a biscuit out of a tin for her.

"Mum's talking with Aunty Lena, would you like me to put Scooby Doo on?" Aurélie nodded and Lucille walked through to the living room with her. It wasn't long before Lena heard the opening title sequence of the Mystery Inc. gang.

Lucille came back in, "that'll keep her happy for a while." She sat back down, "no, I don't think there's anyone else. I just think he was unhappy. I guess we both were, I just always assumed, or hoped at least that it would get better."

"So you think that's it? He won't be coming back?" Lena couldn't believe he would do that.

"I doubt it, he's not a rash man, and he would have sat on this decision for a while. In fact I think the rashest decision he ever made was marrying me. He probably regretted it straight away," Lucille confessed.

"Would you take him back if he came back?"

"All of last night I kept thinking that if I heard the car in the drive I would pretend to be asleep, and I wouldn't mention it ever again, it would be just as if he'd nipped out for a drive. But when I came downstairs this morning and he hadn't returned, something, I don't know what to call it, a resolve maybe? It settled in my stomach, this feeling that our path had run its course and he had sped up the ending. I almost envied him for making the leap. I wasn't brave enough. I'd never dream of leaving him and Aurélie. But I could have been a lot happier. We both could have. He knew it and I knew it and that knowledge lived between us like a third person. It pushed us to the edges of our sides of the bed and it bounced between us at dinner time. I just didn't know how to fix it. And now he's gone, and it's all too late and now Aurélie will grow up in a broken home." Tears welled in her eyes and Lena moved around the table and wrapped her arms around Lucille's tired frame, suddenly acutely aware of how fragile her body seemed, when did that happen?

"Whatever happens, I'm right here sweetheart. Don't ever feel alone." She kissed the top of Lucille's head and held on tight.