Aurélie

Chapter Thirty Six

Aurélie didn't bother getting changed to go and see Blake. 

The nervousness that she used to feel before she'd meet him had disappeared and in its place was a flat bored feeling. She was fully expecting Blake to feed her another pack of lies. She got to the meeting point five minutes late. Blake was already there, pacing up and down in front of the steeped viewing steps. 

Earlier in the week she would look at him and think he was at ease with himself, confident and handsome. Now all she saw was a cheating fiancée who was shirking his commitments. All attraction had gone, replaced with a repulsive feeling that showed no sign of shifting. 
  

"Relie, you came!" He looked relieved. 

"I wanted to hear what you had to say. Don't take it to mean anything more than that." She replied curtly. 

"Can we at least walk somewhere else, it feelings like people are watching..." 

"They're not watching us, they're looking at the cathedral," She rolled her eyes and folded her arms. Was he always so self-centred? Was he scared she was going to make a scene? There was a cafe across the road but Aurélie didn't feel like hanging around for a coffee. "There's a path down to the river. We'll walk there." 

Blake nodded and put his hands in his pockets as he followed her. His whole body language looked defeated. When they were down by the river there were much fewer people around. Just the occasional joggers and dog walkers. There was a bench and Aurélie sat down, staring at the water that was being swirled around the base of the bridge's centre pillar as the current moved the water downstream. 

Blake sat down next to her and folded his left leg under his right knee, turning his body to face her. 

"Just do me a favour and don't lie to me. Tell me the truth, has this just been a game for you?" She was glaring at the swirling water, an anger she hadn't realised was still there had pounded its way up her chest and her voice came out harsh and tight.

"Aurélie I've been the worst kind of human. I should never have got involved with you," he followed her gaze and they saw a young child throw a stick over the side of the bride. It bobbed briefly on the surface before being pulled under.

"Aurélie please look at me." 

She turned with some effort, to face him. His eyes were wide and pleading and it made her feel sick. 

"I never meant to hurt you," he whispered urgently as two joggers passed them.

"Well you did, so I think we can leave that topic there. Tell me about her?" she asked.

"Mel and I are, or were engaged," he corrected himself. "Last month we were due to get married. But the morning of the ceremony I got cold feet... I can't explain it. I just felt a horrendous tightness and I felt like I was being trapped. It was more than just an uneasiness. It was a gut wrenching terror. I looked at the church full of people, her parents, my parents, so expectant. Wanting so much for us, for our future. They already had so much planned out for us. I ran away. I already had my bag packed for the honeymoon. I called a cab and I got the first flight to London where I stayed with friends for a week before coming here." 

"But Mel?" Aurelie pushed.

"I left her there. I couldn't hack the pressure. I thought only of myself and I left her to be humiliated in front of all our friends and family. She had been horrible to live with in the weeks leading up to the wedding. Snapping at me and stressed all the time. No sex life. She was dieting constantly because she wanted to be the tiniest she could be for the wedding day and it made her irritable and grumpy. I couldn't hack it... I bailed." 

Aurélie let out a loud breath. "Shit Blake. You're right, that is the worst kind of human, that's a coward." 

"I know. I've fucked everything up. With you and with Mel. This sounds wrong I know, but I was using you as a distraction. You were keeping me from thinking of everything I had to go home to. Of all the people I had let down and all the questions I would have to answer. With you I could just pretend I had never been engaged, that I was a single guy holiday on a European holiday and having fun." He gulped and looked down at his hands. "I'm so sorry Relie. You didn't ask for this mess or deserve it." 

"A distraction, wow that's what every girl wants to hear. What are you going to do about Mel?" 

"I still love her. The pressure just got too much. She came over to bring me home, for some bizarre reason she still loves me,"  he shook his head in disbelief.

"You're incredibly lucky Blake, not every woman would fly halfway around the world to bring back the fiancée that jilted her at the altar... that takes guts." 

"She's a fighter, she's the one with balls in our relationship." A faint smiled appeared on his face. "We're flying back to New York tomorrow. We're going to take things slowly, see if we can work through this. If we get to the point where we feel ready to actually get married, it won't be the massive event it was going to be. Mel is more concerned with the strength of our relationship rather than the party." 

"I admire her courage, I couldn't do that," Aurelie admitted. 

"I best be getting back, I told Mel I was talking to you, she's back at the hotel packing our things. She collected her things from Lena's this morning." 

"Blake, I appreciate you finally being honest with me," she said quietly.

"Thanks Aurélie." He leant over and gently kissed her cheek before getting up from the bench and walking back up the slope. Head down, hands back in his pockets. 

Glad to be out of that equation. "Not my circus, not my monkeys," Aurélie smiled to herself and got up, stretching her arms up over her head and feeling lighter. The weight of excess baggage gone from her system.