24

Mama's Flowers

When my grandmother passed away, peace lilies were sent to her sister's home. Instantly I fell in love with them, but because I had no where to keep them, I didn't bother to ask for them. Shortly after, the plant began to show signs of neglect, just as every other plant around the house. It was at this point that I realized that I had developed somewhat of an obsession to plants, as a way of holding on to the person that I had lost. My grandmother was an avid gardener since before I'd come into existence.

She was proud of her plants, she loved them, and growing up with her, you would develop a respect for them. It got to the point that I'd stare out of the window and cry at the plants that were withering away, not bothering to try and save them, because they were not my own and I didn't want to step on any toes. Sometimes I would sneak and water them, but not too often. One day stands out in particular though, I was standing at the kitchen sink overlooking the backyard, staring out of the window at a tomato plant that was just barely clinging to life. My mind was racing with many thoughts, but I actually spoke one aloud.

"Mama would never have her plants looking like that."

It was a simple truth, a statement that I'd stand by until the day that I died. My younger sister came to stand beside me, and what she said changed everything for me.

"It's not mama though."

Those 4 words helped me to see the distinction between what was true, and what I'd involuntarily done. I'd replaced, in a sense, my grandmother's existence with the obsession I'd developed with the plants around me. That isn't to say that I didn't value her life. I simply held on to her through something that she loved. Besides the memories, and the material things, the plants are truly all I'll have. And I think she'd be happy to know that what she loved, I not only respect, but love as well. No where near as much as I love her, but still.

My grandma helped me to see the beauty and God through some of His most beautiful creations, and for that, I'll forever be grateful.