Noah Brown. A collection of Alaskan Bush People Fan Fiction stories

Leaving

Noah sat alone in his tent and waited for you to come back. He slowly rocked in his chair and peered down into his son's face.

"Mommy will be back soon, little one." He pressed a kiss on the top of the baby's soft head and his eyes misted with tears at the little smile.

"I know she's been gone a while this time and us guys have had to fend for ourselves, but maybe next time she won't stay gone so long."

Closing his eyes, Noah blinked back the tears as your face swam into his mind. He could see clearly your sweet smile and the way your nose wrinkled when you whispered his name the last morning you were together. You had wanted him to be quiet so you wouldn't wake the baby and you had laughed at his attempts to hold back his groans as you touched him.

His son's tiny hand suddenly reached up and snagged a lock of his long ponytail and Noah opened his eyes again and the vision faded. He didn't try to pull his hair away from the little fist. His son could have as much of him as he wanted. It was the least he could do until you finally came back to be with him again. Pulling his son closer to him, Noah smiled and hummed a soft lullaby to his son.

"You are perfect at that, Noah." You spoke from the doorway of the tent.

Pulling up to the beach in your small skiff, you hadn't alerted any of the family to meet you. The walk from the beach had given you plenty of time to think about your life with Noah and the decisions you had made while you were away. Living in Brown Town with Noah was so much harder than you had imagined. It was only your love for him that kept you from slipping away at night and sailing back to town. So many nights you had pleaded with him to move your little family to live in town but his mind was set on raising his son in the bush. Even your tears hadn't moved him. He loved you and you didn't doubt that. But he just didn't realize how hard it was to be a woman with a small child living rough the way he wanted you to.

So, your trips into town had become more frequent and lasted longer.

"I know you need your time away." Noah had laid beside you the morning you left. "But we need you here, too. I need you." His lips were on your ear and he began sliding his mouth over your neck and bare shoulder. His hands caressed your stomach and hips but you pushed his hand away and sat up, your back to him.

"It's my job." You knew that was true but that wasn't the whole truth. "I can't do my job from here and I've tried but it simply doesn't work."

Walking to the small handmade crib on the other side of the room, you lifted your son in your arms and hugged him hard, patting his diaper-clad bottom.

"Besides, you do just fine with him and your mom loves to help..."

"Then go." Noah spoke roughly from the other side of the room and that's when you should have stopped. You should have run back to him and told him you were scared that you wouldn't be able to make it living in the bush and you were afraid you would mess up your life and his life and your son's life. You should have tried to make him understand that you had never failed at anything and if you failed at this, you didn't know if you would recover. But you didn't say any of that. You laid your son back in his crib and you left.

And now, standing at the door of the tent, listening to Noah sing to his son among the smells of formaldehyde and ozone and dampness, you realized you had made your decision and it was time to talk.

"Welcome back." Noah kept his head down and spoke with no trace of sarcasm or anger. Your heart broke as you realized he didn't care how long you stayed away. As long as you came back. He told you often that you were his soulmate and he would stay with you until all breath left his body. You stared at your husband and your son and prayed that they would understand.

"I quit my job, Noah." You dropped your almost-empty backpack onto the floor. All your supplies had been left in town when you gave your notice. You wouldn't need them anymore. Noah didn't respond at first and you began to think it really was too late, that you had waited too long. You waited for him to say or do something as you glanced down at your son in his father's arms. At six months, he already had his father's smile and when his blue eyes found yours he squealed with happiness and reached for you.

Noah stood and finally looked up at you. When his eyes met yours they were like a blue fire piercing your soul and searing your heart to his.

"I'm so sorry, baby!" Ignoring the grasping fingers of your child, you fell to your knees and grabbed Noah around the legs, your tears falling hot and fast. "I was so selfish and wrong and I'm so sorry I hurt you." The words were tumbling out so fast that you weren't sure he could hear you but as you stopped to take a breath you felt his hand come to rest on your head, stroking gently.

"Get up, my love." His voice was firm and you sniffed and stood, your body sliding close to his and his arm wrapped around you as you came to your feet.

"I'm sorry I left you." You whispered as you scooped your son into your arms and kissed his cheeks. Turning your face up to Noah's, you crushed your lips to his and kissed him deeply until he gently pulled back, smiling into your face.

"You never left us." Noah's hand went to his heart as he said the words. "You've been here all the time."