Attack on Titan One Shots

True Love (Erwin x Reader) [Part 1]

[EDITED: July 15, 2019]

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(Y/N) despised Erwin Smith. 

His presence slithered through her cerebrum⁠— choking every good memory out of her.  Did he not know of the pain he caused her? 

She often cried herself to sleep over him, but that blue-eyed bastard was incapable of comforting her or apologizing for his actions. Although, he didn't always behave that way.

At the beginning of their non-labeled relationship, Erwin had the humor that had her struggling to breathe. His awkward, adorable nature underneath his dominating personality enthralled her. She couldn't fathom what changed. 

Every conversation turned into jabs against her for annoying him too much, which had to be him detesting her personality. She accredited that as the reason anyway. 

(Y/N) had a sarcastic attitude, and it constantly irked him. She would laugh at his screw ups because she thought they were cute. Her intentions were never to embarrass him in front of his cadets or deflate his ego. 

Childishly teasing him just came with the package of who she was. He could never appease her if he didn't accept her sadistic tendencies as proof of the saying: "You're mean to the ones you like." 

Sometimes she wondered if he'd be satisfied with her altering herself to fit his standards. It pained her to see him get ripped apart by her words as much as the guilt of watching his soldiers get killed did, but she couldn't just go through with such an outrageous request. 

(Y/N) rarely thought about what she said before it passed her lips, and that happened to be a disadvantage to being a rash thinker. She loathed the fact that the people she unintentionally hurt failed to see the situation from her perspective. However, she most likely hated Erwin Smith more.

Perhaps he got a kick out of making her feel shitty. Once, he had the audacity to question if she wanted to direct the cadets since his reputation as commander placed him on a pedestal. His experience could justify it, but his hypocrisy dampens it all. For example, he would complain when other people "show-off", yet he would constantly brag about how well he planned an expedition or recruited people to join his branch. He used to say his arrogance occurred for entertainment purposes, but his ego was almost, if not, just as large as hers. 

Dismally, she found it difficult to express herself properly, and people concluded her to be a raging bitch. Underneath her dissociating countenance, emotions recklessly throttled her conscious, yet this world is no place for such things. Every day left her wondering when those damned vicious beasts would come and kill her family, friends, or even herself. It wouldn't matter when though because no one would mourn regardless just move on and avenge them.

(Y/N) understood that he had a façade to uphold as a leader, yet she couldn't comprehend why he continued to do so in private with her. She had so many hopes and dreams for them, but with his lack of true self, that's all they were— dreams, figments of her imagination. Perhaps she should consider it a sign that they weren't meant to be. They were always too good to be true, and she too naïve to recognize it from the start. Too numb from this punishment for wanting an escape. 

 Alas, they were polar opposites. 

He built walls to withstand his emotions; she lacked the urge to suppress hers. 

He pestered her to reveal what she felt; she couldn't coax him to do the same.

They just didn't blend.

Furthermore, her constant attempts to avoid heartbreak were fruitless because she would rather remain loyal to him than throw away the one thing holding her back from complete loneliness. 

After every argument, they won't talk for a while. Nevertheless, all she can think about is him. The thought of him would constantly plague her and demand she search for his chiseled face throughout the grounds. It was like a boa constrictor compressing the life out of her until she was gasping and sputtering for air.

She must have Stockholm Syndrome for being unable to despise him. She often found herself running back to him like a magnet. Laughter just erupted from her when he cracked a joke, and responses just forced past her lips when he spoke. She's all bark and no bite. 

Despite the fact that he is too busy for her, she sets her training and paperwork aside to assist him with his. It doesn't matter that he never returns the favor. 

She'll stay up while he just passes out, but for some reason, it doesn't matter.

They were just opposites never meant to attract, but how could she forget the times he said he cared or the times they didn't battle more than humans and Titans?

Could her heart blatantly believe Erwin didn't love her? That he would hate her otherwise? She wished her brain could overpower her heart, and help her mend their relationship or whatever it was they had. Although, maybe she should shut down everything entirely. 

(Y/N) wouldn't be depressed, ecstatic, or pissed if she felt nothing. If she were empty⁠— void of it all⁠— then it would stop hurting. She wouldn't have to look past her agony. 

Unfortunately, she couldn't cast away her emotions, so she apologized for his mistakes. Her fucked up mentality would recognize them as her mistakes though.

Maybe the things she loved about him outweighed his flaws: his thick eyebrows, his lack of emotion, his dominance, and his ability to make her feel anything. 

She could put up with his mood swings all while curing him of his pain. Hers didn't amount to shit compared to his. 

Another theory could be that Erwin had been put on the Earth to torment her, but clearly, her diseased mind couldn't care less. She was willing to burn in the fires of disgust and desire just for him.

Temporary love is better than not being loved at all. Fuck it. 

Her fist wrapped against his door and it opened instantly. They stared into each other's eyes without looking away.

"I'm sorry."