I'll explain what happened in the past few weeks and you'll understand why do I feel so depressed and just tired of life...
It all started with Herman ignoring me because of the issues between him and Safiye Sultan...
Why is he ignoring me because of that?
I don't know.
Makes no sense.
Anyway...
Then Halime Sultan, mother of Sehzade Mustafa decided to escape from the palace, taking both her son and daughter with her which caused Herman to freak out completely and send soldiers after them.
Luckily they were found pretty quickly, but he was so angry that he nearly execute both Mustafa and his mother.
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- You shouldn't punish Mustafa because of his mother's crime... - I told him once when I found him at the hidden garden.
It was already in the middle of the night and he still didn't seem too bothered by me interrupting him at all.
I wasn't answering me.
He was only looking at me until suddenly he ran out of the garden, leaving both me and the guard that came with him confused, but this later came out he went down to the cells to save Mustafa before it's too late.
It made me truly happy to hear.
- You did the right thing... Don't let anyone tell you otherwise... - I said as we were already in his room, later that evening.
- I just couldn't... He didn't want to do it after all... It was all her fault... But as long as she obeys again... I'm not gonna do anything with her either... - he mumbled.
I just leaned my head on his shoulder which caused him to sigh deeply then he wrapped one arm around me and we just sat there, in silent.
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Since that moment we didn't really have time to be together, or he didn't want to be with me at all which makes me sad...
But what can I do?
- He will eventually need you, don't worry - said Safiye - He needs a supporter and not some girl to only sleep with.
I didn't say anything.
I didn't believe a word until I can hear this from Herman himself...
Until then I don't know what am I gonna do...
I've thought about escaping from the palace, but even that ended up in a disaster and with me sneaking back easily, thanks to Gölge Hatun.
I have nowhere to go alone.
Nowhere to go.
Nothing to do.
All I can do is to stay here and wait...
I suppose...
