Sitting on the cold bed made me wish I had one. It made me wish I had a warm place to sleep all my life.
The first night in a new foster home is always the hardest. I've lived in a foster home my entire life. Back and forth. Never had a real family.
I lost my little brother and my older brother when I was seven. I was too young to remember most of it, but I do remember my older brother, Ben, holding me back from the men taking my baby brother out of his crib. I remember the hot tears spilling down my cheeks. I remember being shoved into a small car, away from my only family I had. I don't even remember my little brother's name.
The room was cold. It had a soft beige paint covering the white stained walls. It smelt like sweet cinnamon on a fall day. I rubbed my hands along the white sheets and gazed my eyes over to the bathroom. I smiled, I haven't had my own bathroom since, forever.
I've been in four foster homes every year. So, I've been in forty four different homes my entire life. I hope this one will be different. I would downturns over hear my foster parents before they would give me back. They would say,"She just doesn't speak." Or ,"she's so depressed."
I'm not really. They've tried to get me to talk about my day, but I'm not even interested in myself.
I heard feet padding outside my door and a faint whisper that I could make out behind the sound of the swirling ceiling fan.
"Just so you know, she doesn't talk much. We don't know why. But she's not very interactive with her foster parents and siblings." Mrs. Rogers spoke. She's been my foster home manager from the very start. She's basically my home. I'm always comfortable with her around. I brushed off my leg and sat up straight.
"She'll crack. I know it. We're going out to dinner."
"I don't think so ma'am. No matter wha she doesn't talk."
"I'll find a way." I heard a small knock on the brown wooden door and it creaked open as two people entered from the hallway.
"Josie...This is your new foster mom, Claire." I waved and flashed a small smile with my lips. She waved back and smiled wide. Mrs. Rogers walked over to me and bent down in front of me and stared straight into my eyes.
"Josie, you have to work with me. You can't live this way. This is going to be the last one for a while. I'm sorry but you can't not speak whenever things get tough. You have to do something about your attitude okay?" I nodded. Even though I wasn't going to "work with her". I don't want to be here. I don't even want to be alive sometimes. I wonder what would've happened if my mom never left. And if my dad never had cheated and married another woman then ran away with her. I wonder if I'd be sitting at the dinner table with my mom, dad, and two brothers laughing and smiling and talking about school.
I just wanted a normal family. A normal life. But my life is like a game, and I'm the piece everyone wants to be, but then they lose the game and start a new one.
Mrs. Rogers took my hands in hers and smiled at me.
"Please?" Her eyes grew wide and I nodded once more. She sighed, stoop up, and turned towards the door to my new room again.
"Alright Claire, you're all set to go." I scanned the corner of the room where my boxes were and made my way over to them. I began to unpack them and hang some clothes in my closet.
"Josie be good. And Claire, I'm a call away." Mrs. Rogers soon left and a cold wave washed over me as I heard the front door close behind her from downstairs. Claire walked over to me and helps with my clothes, she opened my dresser and put in my t shirts.
