My Little Man

Chapter 5

Calvin Daniel Carter, 5lbs 12oz. How could anything be more perfect than it was right now. I held the little bundle in my arms and thought. Danny would be so proud right now to have a son. A handsome son that looks just like him. From his eyes to his toes it's pure Danny.

"Hello, Calvin. I'm your mommy." The tears started to form.

"I'm sorry daddy couldn't be here with you or us today because he's up in heaven protecting us. Think of it as He went from a photographer to a protector." The tears start to fall again. I hear a voice that's telling me good job my love. Our baby is here, I know you will be wonderful. It's Danny's voice. Danny. Danny. Danny. I can't do this without you here Danny. What about the endless night we would be up saying how it would be like with our child and when they cause trouble how we would punish him or when he got his drivers license. What about when he brings a girl home to meet us. Graduation? College acceptance? What about his wedding day when he's so nervous that he would be a horrible husband. You left Danny. You left me with this bundle of joy in the cruel world without a guide. Weren't we supposed to figure it out together?

Throughout the day people came left and right to see me but within 30 minutes I asked them to leave. It just didn't feel right. Dealing with all this joy from everyone when I'm still hurting inside. The only thing keeping me together is Calvin. Mom came by earlier and brought me some food.

"Hey honey, how you feeling?"

Let's see. I just gave birth, my husband is dead. He's not here. I'm perfectly not okay.

"I'm okay."

"Well aren't you handling it better than any other woman."

She'll never understand this pain. Never.

"I guess."

She comes up and takes Calvin from my arms thinking I would eat. I wasn't hungry at all. I needed to be alone. Honestly, I've never been close to my family. Danny didn't have any other family and well he was the only person I could warm up to.

"Mom, I'm sorry but can you leave?" I have to feed Calvin and then the nurse is going to take Calvin for a bit."

"Oh, sure." She put Calvin in my arms again and left the room. The truth was, I was able to leave the next day and Calvin was already cleared. I just couldn't do it.

"Leah?" Trevor walks through the hospital door and to my bedside.

"Hey." I say meekly. "Where's Carrey?"

"She's at daycare."

I have no idea why but. Trevor makes me feel at ease, not the way Danny did but still very close. Calvin starts crying indicating that he's hungry so without thinking I pull down my gown and latched him to my nipple.

I kept thinking to myself how beautiful he was then it occurred to me that Trevor was here. I looked up and saw he was as red as a tomato. Without thinking I busted out laughing. It hurts inside and I have no idea how I will get past it but maybe. Just maybe, Danny sent this man and his child to me for a reason