Gabriel

25. Taking Control

Okay, so I thought there was something that I really needed to mention that happened to me on Tuesday:

I'm in yearbook at my school and I was flipping through the name booklet to find someone for a class for a photo for the student life page... not important... but ANYWAYS, a name jumps out at me as I'm looking though the book:

GABRIEL MONTERO

And then I started hyperventilating and freaking out because I couldn't believe it. So then I checked all his classes listed (in the least creepiest/stalkery kind of way) to see if maybe I had heard his name before and that's how I got the subconscious idea to name the main male lead, but I've never had a class with him EVER before or currently and have NEVER met him before IN MY LIFE. I just thought that was worth sharing because it's completely and totally strange for me to randomly find someone else with the same name.

Please continue, sorry for the rant. :)

#LongestChapterEver

xoxo

P.S. A lot of you might disagree with the way I perceive Maeve in such a weak way at the end of the chapter but I thought it was important to illustrate how affected she is by others words from years of verbal and physical abuse coupled with anxiety issues, making her think in such a negative way about her self.

~~~

MAEVE
     I returned from my walk in the park around two. I did get lost once- okay, maybe three times- but I eventually found my way back to the apartment. I had been generally thinking, especially about how I totally missed Thanksgiving. I don't even remember what day it was; all knew was I must've thought it was Saturday because I had the day off from school. I also thought about what I would wear to school on Monday, and my favorite song of the week. But no matter what thoughts I kept my mind busy with, I always just kept obsessing over in my head what he said and how he said it.

     "Do you really need chocolate?"

     Now, after I'd had a nice long walk full of smoky, foggy New York City air my mind had cleared. And it made me realize how stupid I had been in assuming that he just meant I was fat. Maybe it was late and I was so strung out on pain meds that my mind processed his words the wrong way. Or maybe he just didn't want to stop by the store before he got home because he was tired. Whatever it was, I was going to be sure to apologize when he got home from work for how I rudely hung up the phone and wouldn't return his calls. Because I truly did feel sorry and stupid for just assuming and making an ass out of myself for thinking he just called me fat.

     You know what he actually meant, a voice said from the corner of my mind. I tried to ignore it, but I couldn't.

     There was also the issue of his distance that I couldn't ignore. I don't know how I upset him, but I need to know how to make things right again because I already rely on him more than I should.

     I suddenly felt a hand touch my arm, making me jump. I was in the living room flipping through the channels, before finally settling on Sunday afternoon cartoons.

     "Hey babygirl", I hear and I turn my head around cautiously. The first thing I notice is the biggest box of chocolate I've ever seen being shoved into my hands.

     I turn to his face, and realize I'd do anything, or be anything for him. That probably makes me weak, changing so easily for someone but I'll do anything to make him happy. I'll become an entirely different person if it satisfies him. Seeing his face brings back that notion in full force. He makes me weak.