Gabriel

43. Living On Borrowed Time

Sucker for Pain (feat. Ty Dolla $ign, X Ambassadors, & Logic) – Lil Wayne, Wiz Khalifa, & Imagine Dragons

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     MAEVE

     When I agreed to go with the man with the gun, I accepted any future that was to come with that decision.

     But fear didn't agree with that logic. It clawed up my insides, stopping my breathing and completely obliterating any lucid thoughts, leaving my brain in a crumbling mess of panic and hysteria.

     In giving my life up for a nine-year-old girl's, I now realize I probably lost my own future– and I could accept that, knowing that Maybel would have one... if it weren't for Gabriel.

     My Gabriel. I can't possibly imagine how he feels right now. I want him to find me, I want to him to come and save me, but hope can only hurt me from here on out. I know that realistically, I won't ever see him again. But a small part of me has to believe there's a slight possibility that I'll live. I sure as hell don't want to die– at least not anymore.

     Maybe I'll get lucky. Maybe this is a money thing. Montero is a famous name and if I was specifically targeted than maybe I have a chance of getting out of this alive.

     I just want to go home. To Gabriel, to my bed, to our routine and his kisses and our sex. I just want everything to go right back to where it was. I just want to be looking with Maybel at the penguins while she giggles and stares at them in awe.

     As the van shakes and jumps and the miles keep going, the black cloth over my head and the duck tape covering my mouth suffocate me. I try not to cry. I don't want that son of a bîtch to get the satisfaction of seeing my weakness. I won't let him.

     I silently brood as the van jostles me around, unable to do anything about it as my hands are tightly bound behind my back and I lie on my side. I can hear once we've completely exited the city limits, no longer loud honking sounds and buzz of electricity everywhere. The bitter hum of the tires on the road and the noise of my captor occasionally coughing or adjusting in the crackling leather seat up front are all I hear.

     I jump as he suddenly turns the radio on. The blast of electronic music fills the empty space and I start to tremble as I unwillingly let my mind wander to what lies ahead of me. Death? Torture? Rape? Anything but that last one. I don't know how I could survive being assaulted again. Not after all the progress I've made in therapy and especially not after just last night.

     My thoughts wander to Gabriel again. I hope he's not mad at me for what I did– I trust he can understand.

     I imagine what our kids might look like. I imagine what dress I will wear for our wedding. I imagine how he will propose. Somehow, I already feel like this is the end for me.

     Maybe I was just living on borrowed time– that Gabriel should've just left me to die on that rooftop. I should never have been saved. Maybe this is the universe's way of telling me I was never meant to live past eighteen. Just the thought of my birthday coming up in three days makes my heart ache.

     I wish I'd never thought that anything like this might happen. Me making any self-fulfilling prophecies was what Lizzy called it the destruction of our relationship.

–

     The van stops. It feels like hours and the pressing issue of my breathing is no help. I hear him get out of the car as the driver's side door closes. My heart pounds faster and faster as I start to sweat as my breathing is once again scarce. I jump as the back door opens and I'm roughly yanked by my arm hard enough to throw it out of its socket. Luckily, I find my footing, as he pulls me from the van, still unable to see anything before me, and if I were to fall, wouldn't be able to catch myself, because of the cuffs keeping my arms restrained behind me.