Suicide Notes

Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten

Caleb-

I couldn't stop staring. Danica was sedated, hooked to an IV and resting comfortably. At least it seemed that way. She hadn't moved a muscle since they'd given her something to make her relax. Who knew what was going on inside her head? All I knew was my life felt like it was falling apart around me.

Fresh guilt flooded through me. Angry with her for not coming to scatter Jessi's ashes, I'd stayed away, punishing her for not participating. There was no way I could've known how bad things were, because I hadn't checked on her; and heaven knew Hank would never pick up a phone to tell me how things were. Hell, I couldn't even remember when or if he'd ever called me. The only times we spoke on a phone was when I called him for some reason. Now, all I could think of was how much I wanted to plant my fist into his face. I'd love to see him go back to jail and rot there.

Anna was going to rub a hole through my shirt if she kept running her hand across my back in an attempt to comfort me. Her presence was calming, though. I didn't know how I would've handled this blow if she hadn't been there. At the same time, it made me feel worse. Everything in my life seemed to point to the fact I didn't deserve her, reminding me I was entirely to blame for this mess. My behavior was causing my family to fall apart.

Glancing down to where my arms rested against my knees, I stared at the bleeding heart tattooed there. There was a reason I'd chosen to place it in that location. It covered a scar I'd received when I was a child. Shortly after my dad and Danica had married, I tripped and fell down the front step, landing on my dad's chainsaw and tearing a jagged cut into my forearm near my elbow. Unbeknownst to me, I'd nicked an artery and was bleeding badly. Jessi screamed and screamed for help until Danica came running to see what was wrong. By the time I arrived at the emergency room, I needed a blood transfusion. They called my dad in from working the loading crane at the dock to give me blood. It was probably the only nice thing he'd ever done for me.

The ugly scar left behind had always bothered me. Now, I could barely even make out where it was. It seemed a fitting place for Jessi's bleeding heart to go—her blood, my blood.

The curtain slid back and the emergency room doctor entered. "Okay, we have Danica's labs back and they're normal, so she didn't take anything."

A wave of nausea washed through me. "I don't know if that makes me feel better or not."

He stared at me sympathetically. "At least you can rest easy knowing she didn't do anything to purposely harm herself. She does appear to have had some kind of psychotic episode. Given what you've told me about your sister's recent death and your stepmother's relationship with your father, I have to say it doesn't surprise me. Sometimes people just can't handle all that life throws at them."

"Can you help her?" I asked. "Will she get better?"

"There are medications that can help her condition. We're going to admit her and we have a psych evaluation scheduled for her tomorrow, with one of our mental health specialists. Once that's completed, we'll have a better idea about what we are dealing with."

"I have a job I'm supposed to do tonight, but can I come back and stay the night with her? I'm the lead guitarist in a band and I can't get a replacement this late or I'd stay with her now." Irritation swept through me as I realized I was abandoning her again.

"Keep your engagement," the doctor encouraged. "Truthfully, I doubt she will know if anyone is here with her or not. We plan to keep her safely sedated and comfortable until she can be better evaluated in the morning."