Suicide Notes

chapter Twenty-Two

Chapter Twenty-Two

Caleb-

Yes, I had resolved to give her the space she needed, but this was getting to be ridiculous. We needed to work some things out between us and make some decisions for the future one way or another. I'd managed to struggle my way through our performances over the weekend, using the excuse that Anna was sick to the owner and singing the songs myself. The crowd didn't seem to mind the change in the show, but it was hard for me to belt them out when all I could hear was Anna's voice singing them in my head.

Raising my hand, I knocked on the door, hoping she would answer. It was early in the morning, but I figured that would be my best chance to catch her at home. Waiting for several seconds, I was about to give up when the door swung open, revealing Melanie.

"Caleb!" she said in surprise. "How nice to see you. Will you come in?" She stepped aside, allowing me to enter and ushered me into the living room. "How are you today?"

"Not so great," I answered honestly, shoving my hands into my pockets as I shifted from one foot to the other. "I was hoping I could speak with Anna."

"With Anna?" she looked confused and her face fell. "She didn't tell you, did she? She told me she would."

"Tell me what?" I asked, feeling my heart start to race. What was going on?

"Have a seat. Let's talk."

I wasn't sure how much she knew about what had happened between Anna and me, but I was willing to do anything at this point to clear the air. I knew I'd screwed up royally, I just didn't know how to fix any of it.

Sitting down, I leaned forward, resting my hands on my knees. "Is Anna okay?" I asked, worriedly.

"For the most part," Melanie replied with a sigh. "She's not here though."

"Do you know when she'll be back? I really need to talk to her."

She shook her head. "She moved to California yesterday morning."

My blood ran cold at her words. "She what?"

"I'm so sorry. She promised me she would tell you before she left. She must've changed her mind. Anna had her dad call the school on Monday to help her get into the dorm there and she's enrolled in the summer semester at CSU. She flew there yesterday. It was all very sudden, but she was determined."

My heart was hammering in my chest as I tried to absorb the shock. Anna had completely cut me off from her life. I grunted as I buried my face in my hands. I guess I had my answer. Rubbing my hands into my hair, I restrained the urge to punch something as anger fused through me.

"Caleb." Melanie's soft voice spoke sympathetically. "She didn't tell me what happened between the two of you. Will you? I'm worried about her."

I gave a wry laugh. "I messed everything up badly, and I have no clue how to fix it."

"I'm here to listen, if you'll accept my help." Melanie was patient and kind, tempting me to pour out my soul to her.

Shaking my head, I stared at my hands, as if they could somehow provide the answers. "I don't want you to hate me too. Besides, Jessi asked me not to. I can't go against her dying wish. Anna found out by accident."

"You know why Jessi killed herself, don't you?" she asked, surprising me at how quickly she understood.

I nodded. "I do, and I didn't tell Anna I knew. I couldn't. Now she'll never forgive me because of it." I glanced at Melanie. "But you've got to understand, I didn't want to keep anything from her. I just didn't know how to tell her. There's been no one for me to talk to about this. No one. I've screwed up so bad; and it's destroying everything in my life. I don't know where to go from here."