Suicide Notes

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Anna-

Squealing as Caleb scooped me off my feet, I clung to his neck, my heart racing at the smoldering look in his eyes.

"Which room is yours?" he asked, his voice husky as he strode across the living room.

"On the right," I breathed out. "The door is open."

Stepping inside, he kicked the door shut behind him.

"Lock it," he ordered, turning me around and leaning me down so I could grab the handle.

"My roommate is gone for the weekend," I reminded him, even though I did as he asked.

"I don't care," he replied, moving toward my bed. "I'm not taking any chances on getting interrupted this time. You are going to have my full and undivided attention."

Gently, he deposited me on my bed, surprising me when he pulled his cell phone from his pocket.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Turning this off. Where's yours?"

"It's dead on the charger." I couldn't help my giggle. He looked so serious.

"Perfect." Tossing his phone onto the nightstand, he turned back to me, his gaze skimming hungrily over me. "Last chance to back out."

"I don't want to," I replied, licking my lips.

"Thank goodness." Grabbing the bottom of his shirt, he yanked it off over his head, revealing his sculpted chest and torso. Sure, I'd seen him plenty of times, but it still always managed to take my breath away. Glancing over him, my eyes traced the tattoo down his side—a guitar with a ribbon wrapped around it that said "Rock the World." Drifting to his arm, I glanced at the tribal tattoo around his bicep and down to Jessi's bleeding heart on his forearm. Suddenly the meaning of that clicked into place.

"You need to forgive yourself," I said, reaching to touch the spot. "I know you did this to punish yourself—so you would never forget. Stop taking the blame for everything. Her death wasn't your fault."

His gaze moved to where my fingers skimmed the surface of his skin. "Yes, it was. If—,"

I cut him off, kneeling on the edge of the bed in front of him and raising my fingers to his lips. "What happened between you and Jessi was unfortunate. You're guilty of getting drunk and having sex with the wrong person. That's it. Jessi was totally capable of stopping things. She chose not to. You didn't know you were with her. You didn't make her kill herself. All of that is on her. She wasn't intoxicated. She knew you were both having unprotected sex. I know you miss her. I know you regret what happened; but Caleb, it wasn't your fault."

His jaw clenched and his fists curled as he stared at the tattoo.

"Why are you still so upset with yourself?"

"Why?" he replied angrily, his eyes dropping back to mine. "Why?" he repeated, softer, as he sat beside me on the mattress. "Because I hurt you. Yeah, I'm upset with Jessi and I feel sad about the baby, but it's because you got hurt that I'm angry. You were the innocent bystander in all this and it's like the two of us ran you over with a truck. You did nothing to deserve any of this and the two of us . . .we destroyed you. That's why I'm so angry! That's what I can't forgive!"

Shaking because he was so upset, I wanted to chase his demons away. "Do you love me, Caleb?" I asked, sliding my arms around his neck.

"More than my own life," he said with a sorrowful, defeated look.