The long awaited day came and I managed to pull myself out of the bed miraculously 4 hours before the time I am suppose to be awake.The night before was a bust, I mean, who could sleep when their entire head is bombarded by thoughts of the next day and especially if those thoughts are mostly 'YOU ARE GONNA FAIL', 'you will be rejected' or 'you are making a fool out of yourself'. The head is already not helping at all, the heart had to join in; pumping with all its might, like my body was having insufficient blood. I was sweating throughout the night, how could anybody have fallen asleep in this situation!?
My heart was throbbing 'thumpthumpthumpthump' repeatedly, oh gosh AVERY! PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER! Why the hell am I having such palpitation at 8am in the morning when I am only meeting him at 1pm later in the afternoon? "God! Dear heart, please be still okay? Just for a while... please" But I guess the reason why I am feeling like is that, I have loved and love this guy for pretty much half of my life now and I am finally coming to a conclusion where I will tell him face to face about what I feel. I finally have the courage to let my hesitant decision come to a choice; if he rejects me, I can finally gave up and move on, and if he accepts... I have not thought about the accepting part for I do not think it is possible.
Okay, heart, I need you to be still so that I can wear my contacts... It is kind of hard to wear when my hands are trembling non-stop.
9am, 10am, 11am, 12pm. My heart roars louder and louder as time passes. Bloody hell, what did I get myself into? I am so so screwed. My anxiety grew with the raging sounds of my heart and when I am anxious, I tend to run about to and fro the house, throwing on all the clothes my closet vomited out just for this day and continuously touching up on my make-up. I hope I can cover up that black eyes circles that gave me away for unable to sleep last night, but I am not really sure whether I am helping myself or just making this (my face) look worse. At some point, I sort of gave up. Gave up on my clothes because nothing seems to look okay, gave up on my face because it is not okay and gave up on thinking what I needed to bring. Necklaces, bracelets, rings, earrings, watch or a hat? Why is it so very hard to be a female? I gave up. 5 minutes to 12.30pm, I just plodded on the edge of my bed with the fan on full blast blowing directly at my face. Should I spray deodorant or perfume? Victoria secret's love spell body mist or the Tous 'Eau De Parfum' perfume that my childhood friend have gave me for my birthday? Gosh, this is harder than the examination in school.
15 minutes to 1. Oh God. I need to leave the house now. Shit. The hell bound hour have arrived. Shit. All Gods above, please bless my heart.
Wait. Where am I meeting him again? Oh my God, Oh my God. "Okay, okay, Avery, don't panic. Check the messages."
It seems that we both agreed to meet at the nearest Mac restaurant nearby. Nearing the area, my heart is somewhat prancing halfway out of my chest and I have not even met him yet. How am I to handle the situation later? This does not seem good at all. Somebody please help me...
YOU ARE READING
Courage to love
RomanceThe courage that I never had, but what if things was different then? Would the outcome be different? A story about a girl who dreams of having the courage to confess to the guy she loves for as long as she could remember. What would his response be?
