Find Your Way

Chapter One

Althea's POV

"Althea Guevarra!" I heard my bestfriend shout my name causing me to jerked up from my deep slumber.

"What?!" I practically shouted back; annoyed evident on my voice.

"Wala ka na ba talagang balak magtino? Look at you! Hindi ka ba naaawa jan sa sarili mo?!"

"Just let me be, Batchi. Gagawin ko kung ano man ang gusto ko." I firmly said while tucking myself again under my bed. But the comforter was suddenly pulled harshly and when I got up, I saw my bestfriend glaring at me.

"What the fuck, Batch?!" I shouted. We're now in a glaring contest which seemed no one wants to back down.

"I've got no time for your shit anymore, Althea. Tatlong taon na kitang pinagbigyan sa kagaganyan mo. I even supervise your company kahit hindi mo hiningi sakin kasi gusto kitang tulungan. Gusto kong makalimot ka sa paraang gusto mo. But this is too much!" I look away from her gaze and remained quiet. I heard her sigh and saw her sat at the edge of my bed.

"Tsong, ano pa bang kailangan mo para maka-move on? Hindi pa ba enough yung three years? Three fucking years, Althea! Pero hanggang ngayon, hinahayaan mo yung sarili mong magpakagago sa kanya."

I harshly wipe the tears that's been streaming down my face. "I don't know, Batch. It's still fucking hurts! Sinusubukan ko naman eh. God knows I tried pero laging ganito. I want to be tough pero natatalo pa din ako." I can't take it anymore. I covered my face with my palms and let my tears flow freely. I don't care if I look stupid for crying like a baby right now.

Batchi scooted beside me and gave me a hug while soothing my back. "Sshh. Wag ka ng umiyak. Nandito ako, kami ni Wila para tulungan ka. Well, ngayon absent siya kasi siya muna pinagbantay ko dun sa office." She paused to laugh then continued talking. "Hindi ka namin iiwan, tsong. Ikaw lang naman 'tong hinihintay namin na makabalik."

I looked at her and I saw her smiling at me. All this time, hindi ako iniwan nila Batchi. Kasama ko sila noong down na down ako dahil iniwan ako ng ex-girlfriend ko. Nakita nilang dalawa kung paano ako nagpaka-wasted at mag-attempt ng suicide dahil sa sakit na nararamdaman ko.

I fucking love Cathlyn so much. I learned to be happy again because of her after my parents died in a car accident. Siya ang nagbigay sakin ng dahilan kung paano muling bumangon at ayusin ang buhay ko.

Lahat ibinigay ko sa kanya. Wala na nga akong itinira sa sarili ko. Sa lahat ng naging girlfriend ko, sa kanya lang ako nagkaganito. I even considered her as my one true love. I already saw myself getting married to her, having babies and growing old with her. For me, she is my future pero iniwan niya ko.

"Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko, Batch. Ayoko na ng ganito. Pagod na pagod na ko." I weep harder while I clung and rest my head on her left arm.

"Tama na, Tsong. Tutulungan ka namin kalimutan si Cathlyn. Pero please, hindi namin kayang gawin to kung hindi mo kami hahayaan. Help us help you to move on." Batchi said and I know she's crying as I can feel her body shaking against mine. I know she can't stand the pain and misery I am in until now.

For three years, I've been like this everyday. Crying my heart out every time I wake up until getting tired. Sometimes, I'll caught myself staring blankly then cry even harder, eventually.

I barely eat that I became skinnier than before. Kung hindi lang dahil kay Batchi, baka namatay na ko dahil sa hindi pagkain.

At first two months after Cathlyn broke up with me, dumating sa point na hindi talaga ko kumakain hanggang sa ma-ospital ako. I felt like dying that time. Well to be honest, I died when Cathlyn broke up with me so I didn't give a fuck anymore.