Find Your Way

Chapter Thirty-Two

Jade's POV

"Hi Ma. Where's Dada?" I greeted my mother who's smiling sweetly at me the moment she sees me entering our house.

"Nasa dining na, hija. Kanina ka pa namin hinihintay." She said after giving me a kiss on the cheek.

We walk straight to our dining and saw everyone already on their seats. I found my father at the far end of the dining table, siting on his wheelchair while talking to Ahya Gab. They seemed to enjoy whatever conversation their having since my father constantly laugh his hearts out, though he's struggling. Pearl is beside his husband and staring at the two men with awe.

My heart instantly warmed at the sight. I never thought that after all we've been through, I can finally say that we were back to being a real family again.

Our turning point was when Ahya Paul committed suicide. Pagkatapos ng masakit na pangyayari na iyon, lahat nagbago. Parang yung pagkamatay pa ni Paul ang naging kapalit kung paano kami bumalik sa dati.

After that night I found his lifeless body inside his room, I felt devastated. He drank all the medicines inside the medicine box on his bathroom and slit his pulse point on his wrist. Habang pinagmamasdan ko yung duguan niyang kamay at maputla niyang katawan, biglang nagflashback sa'kin lahat. Every memories I have with him, came flashing inside my head. I never thought na sa ganitong paraan pa siya mawawala sa'min.

Pakiramdam ko, nawalan ako ng isang kakampi sa buhay. Sa pagpapakamatay niya, hindi ko maiwasan isipin na mag-isa na lang ako sa buhay. He's the only one na masasabi kong nakakaintindi sa sitwasyon ko pero nawala din siya sa'kin. Isa siya sa mga naging inspirasyon ko para patuloy na lumaban.

I pity him because he never got that chance to live his life to the fullest. Maybe he did pero sa patagong paraan. Malayo sa mga matang mapanghusga kagaya na lang ng aming mga magulang. Maybe he got the chance pero in a very short time. Yung tipong kasama mo nga yung taong mahal mo but at the end of the day, alam mong magtatapos din ang lahat. Patuloy ka pa ding susundan ng problema kahit ang gusto mo lang talaga ay maging masaya. And what's worse is that our own parents took that chance away. Kung hindi dahil sa kanila, hindi sana mangyayari ito kay Paul.

To be honest, I blamed everything on my father. I lost all my remaining respect on him during that time. It felt like what happened to Paul wasn't a suicide, but a murder. And the culprit was our own flesh and blood.

Isang linggo din naming pinaglamayan si Paul. My mother returned in her own self. She returned to being the mother I loved the most after we had our little talk. She apologized for everything that she did, even that conversation she had with Althea. She confessed that she knew what's going on with me and her and that she's the one who told Dada about it.

She said she saw me with Althea at a mall. Sabi niya nagkaroon na siya ng duda sa kung anong meron sa'min noon. And then when she showed up on my condo, that's when she confirmed it. She confessed that she was in denial at first. Hindi din daw niya matanggap sa sarili niya na meron siyang lesbian na anak. And because of that, she told Dada everything. Kaya pala isa din siya sa nagpupumilit na maikasal ako kay David because she thought that what I "have" is a disease that can be cured if I marry a guy.

I got mad, of course. But never did I condemn her. Pinilit kong intindihin na lahat ng ginawa nila ay para sa ikabubuti ko. Na kahit ako yung naagrabyado, ako yung umiintindi. Because that was Althea taught me. She changed me into someone better and that was one of the million reasons why I don't regret loving her.

A week after Paul's burial, my father softened. He went home drunk and asking for apology all of sudden. Nagulat na lang ako isang gabi, pumasok siya sa kwarto ko. He was crying while I pretend I was sleeping. He cried his heart out while uttering countless 'sorry' for what he has done. From controlling all of our lives up to what happened to Paul. He's putting all of the blame on his shoulders and I cant contest with that. Because as I have said, I did the same to him.