Find Your Way

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Althea's POV

9:07 a.m

It says on the clock projecting on my car's dashboard. I looked at my passengers seat. May isang bouquet ng tulips, two boxes of Tim Tams and a cute medium sized panda stuffed toy.

Mag-iisang oras na akong naka-park dito sa harap ng building ng mga Tanchingco and I admit, I am nervous as f*ck. Both of my palms are sweating and I keep on whispering encouragement for myself but whenever I'm decided to went out, I always chicken out.

Hindi ko alam if effective ba itong gagawin ko to win the love of my life back. To win Jade back. I am so willing to do or give her everything. Kahit hindi niya sabihin o hingin, ibibigay ko.

Pero paano kung kalayaan niya 'yung gusto niyang ibigay mo?

Paano kung hingin niyang layuan mo na siya dahil may mahal na siyang iba?

Paano kung sabihin niyang kahit anong ibigay o gawin mo, hindi na ito magiging enough dahil ibang tao na ang gusto niyang magbigay nun sa kanya?

Paano kung.. hindi ka na niya talaga kayang mahalin pa?

That last what-if made my chest ache. I'm aware that she already has someone new and to be honest, when I saw them together a week ago, I can see that she's happy. I can see how she admires the guy. And I can see how the guy feels the same way. Ramdam ko 'yung care niya para kay Jade. I can see it in his eyes kung paano niya tignan si Jade like she is the most beautiful girl in the world. Well, simply because she is the most beautiful in the world. I can feel the undying love he has for her the way he touches her, guide her and the way he protects her. I know all of these because those are the things I want to do to her.

Stare at her. Make her smile. Protect her.

Love her.

Jade. My Jade.

Or do I still have the right to call her that?

I smile bitterly at the thought then gripped the stirring wheel until I felt my knuckles turning pale because of the hard force. My eyes starting to get teary with the realisation. Because why not? Jayson is the perfect guy. Too perfect kaya hindi ko maiwasan na mainis. He have everything. Looks, wealth, a good personality and most of all, he has the love of my life. Kung hindi ko na nga lang mahal si Jade, I'd say I am happy that she ended up Jayson. And that I'll be at ease because I know, she's in good hands. I'll be happy to admit that it didn't work out for the both of us dahil may Jayson na darating na mas makakapagpasaya sa kanya. 'Yung relasyon na walang sakitan. Relasyon na walang tututol. Relasyon na pinapangarap ng lahat.

A perfect relationship.

A relationship that isn't you and me against the world because the universe conspire you to be together..

Forever..

That thought made me hitch my breath. My eyes wide open and I can feel my cheeks getting wet because of this overflowing tears. I glanced at the passenger seat and stare at my gifts I brought her. Will these be enough?

Will I be enough?

Having all those thought about Jayson make me feel small. Too small I just wanted to disappear right away. Hindi ko maiwasan i-compare 'yung sarili ko sa kanya. 'Yung masalimuot naming relasyon dahil sa pamilya niya. Yes, we have the times of our lives but it equally dissolves dahil sa pahirap na naranasan namin sa kamay ng daddy niya. Thinking that we might end up with the same situation two years ago, frightens me.

Parang hindi ko ata kaya.

I get to be with Jade pero kasama nun 'yung hirap ng patagong relasyon.