Restoring the faith

Explaining yourself

Silently between us we worked out a way to use the bathroom without the other one being in there. Not that it bothered me, we'd just turn around.

I hated this tension and the feeling between us that as night fell I silently began to cry.

My mind had spent the day going over all the fun times we've had together. All those cookie runs, hyperactive moments, parties, car karaoke, excitement for getting new locations before anyone had been in them, the play fighting, messages, cuddling, spooning.

Just everything.

"Brit?"

I stopped myself and wiped my face hard holding my breath hoping maybe I'd just pass out and avoid it all together.

"Brit why are you crying?" He whispered.

I got up and crawled away from him getting to his bedroom door, I laid flat and reached up just grabbing the bedding between my fingers I pulled hard and dragged it off the bed. Before crawled back with it and covered myself up hiding my face.

"Brittany."

"Go away." I sniffled.

"You chained me to you.. I kind of can't."

"Then shut up." I mumbled.

"Why are you crying?" He asked again.

"Because of you! Because you're so mean!" I snapped pulling the bedding over my head.

I laid on the floor which was highly uncomfortable crying to myself whilst he just laid there.

"I'm sorry."

"No you aren't. You're only sorry because you want me to stop. Well fuck you Zak. Fuck you."

I curled up into a ball and closed my eyes waiting for sleep to creep up. But instead it was Zak that creeped up and around. He wrapped his arm around me making me shove it away.

"No. Go away."

"Brit.. Come on please." He whispered.

"No."

I felt him tug my top up at the back and his finger tips gently stroking my skin. I let out a little sigh laying there.

He worked my top up a bit more getting more access to my back and continued it.

"Did you mean it?" I asked after he had calmed me down.

"No. None of it. I was angry at myself.. And you. But I didn't mean it." He answered holding me against him.

"Then why did you say it?"

"It's not a good time for me Brit. You have to understand that."

"Well I don't. I don't at all because you talk to everyone else apart from me. What have I done? I've been worried sick. What have I done to upset you?" I asked.

"It's not you.."

"It's not you its me. Pull the other one Zak." I snapped.