Restoring the faith

No lies.

Today is the day!!! Today is the day we fly to England!

I was up at first sign of dawn I had everything packed and ready, all I need was a Zak.

It took me a while to wake him but he slowly got the idea it was a surprise and he was up and ready in no time.

I made a reappearance with the blindfold and put it on him and helped him into the car.

Aaron and Kate were taking us and dropping Gracie off at his moms later.

"Where are we going?" Zak asked.

"You'll see. Keep the blindfold on!" I giggled as he looked around him.

"I'm excited. Should I be excited? Cause I am.." He answered.

"I don't know.. Soon find out." I smiled.

'Did you tell him?' Kate mouthed making me shake my head.

She shook her head and turned in her seat.

Yeah I know.. I'm a bad person.

Once we got to the airport I pulled the blindfold off his eyes and waited as he looked at it.

"Airport. We going somewhere?" He asked.

"Sure are! Happy birthday!" I grinned handing him the tickets.

"England.. England?! We're going to England?!"

"Yep!" I smiled.

"Oh my god!" He engulfed me in a hug squeezing me tightly in his arms.

"Let's go!" I laughed patting his back and letting go of him.

The excitable Zak took over pulling me out the car and our cases bouncing around excitedly.

"You happy to go?"

"Oh my god! Yeah! I can't bloody wait!" He answered.

"Good, let's go." I answered.

We said our goodbyes to Aaron and Kate also Gracie heading into the airport.

"Just me and you sweetie." Zak grinned noticing we were on our own.

"Yep certainly is." I answered holding his hand.

We got ourselves checked in and had our luggage taken to be put onto the plane.

"I love you. This is going to be an awesome birthday." Zak spoke as we sat waiting for our flight.

"I'm glad you think so. I love you too." I smiled looking across at a woman holding a new born baby.

"Good news about Kate and Aaron right?" Zak asked.

"You know?" I asked.

"Of course I do. I'm surprise you didn't tell me though. You don't keep anything from me. Can't say I wasn't a little hurt from you not telling me last night." He replied.

"I didn't think it was my place to say anything. Besides it's exciting for them to tell people isn't it?" I answered.

"But still.. You kept it from me." He answered.

"Zak really?"

"I know. I know I'm just used took you being so open with me." He replied.

God knows how he's going to react when he finds my.. Our little secret out.

I had a bad habit of making kids smile, I'd pull faces at them to make them smile even if I made myself look an idiot in the process.

"That kid laughing at you." Zak chuckled.

"Shows me what an idiot I am." I smiled.

"You excited for Aaron then?" I asked baiting around for answers.

"I am. Yeah course I am. But I'm thinking of the show as well. I can't help it, we're going to have to either do a season without him or go on break for a while.."

"Hmm.. I would go on a break and maybe do aftershocks. He will be alright as you'll still be in Vegas. "

"Yeah I guess you're right. But they do say the show must go on." He replied.

"Not without Aaron. He's a cog to the team. It's already hard without N-"

"Don't say his name." Zak answered.

I took his attitude onboard and left it at that on the whole Nick subject.

"Where do you see yourself in the future?" I asked leaning my head on his shoulder.

"Us.. You mean. In a nice house with Gracie and a nice garden." He answered.

"That all?" I asked.

NO MENTION OF CHILDREN!!

"Yeah, I'm happy with our family now. We could get another dog maybe? One like that Samoyed dog." He added.

"Hmm. Maybe. No little investigators?" I asked.

"I knew you were broody." He answered.

"I'm not. I'm just.. I just want to know what to look forward to." I answered.

"Well I can't see myself and a child any time soon. Work is hectic and I can't be sure what I'll bring home with me sometimes."

"Not even in the future?" I asked.

"Oh. I don't know.." He shrugged and ending the conversation.

Now I feel rotten.. Here I was sat beside him with a little sprout growing inside of me and no way in hell its daddy wanting to play a part.

Our flight was finally called and we set off to board.

"Brit? Sorry if I sounded snappy earlier."

"It's okay, I was just asking."

"I know... It's just I don't want to get your hopes up on a baby I might never want." He answered.

Little did he know that sentence crushed my insides.

He'd never want this like I wanted this little sprout.. I was going to have to do this alone..