Restoring the faith

Spitefulness

2 days later...

We were on the silent treatment.. Zak
had been sleeping on the loveseat despite his size and I was in bed feeling sorry for myself.

I had thrown up from a hangover.. Not once but twice. Then we had a hell raising argument in which we both said things we didn't mean..

At least I didn't mean them.

I said he was using me as a rebound, that he's just a headfuck and uses women..

All the things that were online and had destroyed his confidence I had thrown at him after he called me a stupid little drunk who shags anything with a pulse but when it comes to love I'm the fuck up who's afraid..

It didn't settle well with me because I was a little afraid to let someone have all of me, I was afraid to love someone completely and rely upon them, I was fiercely independent. I always had been..

We barely looked at each other, I couldn't eat anything from feeling so bad about the things I said. Rightly so too. They were awful.

Despite being in the other room I missed him and I couldn't sleep any sense hearing him tossing and turning on the couch.

It was 2am..

In my red silk nightdress I got up and went into the living room to find him tossing around on the loveseat. This had to stop before we both exhausted ourselves.

I walked over and nudged him with my knee. He was awake, I knew him too well, but he was ignoring me.

"Zak please."

"What do you want?" He asked sounding moody.

"I'm sorry."

"Is that it?"

"I'm sorry for all the horrible things I said, I didn't mean them. I was lashing out and I was in a terrible mood. It's no excuse I know.. I'm sorry if I hurt you or upset you."

"Fine. Now go back to bed." He answered.

"Za-"

"Go back to bed Brit!" He shouted.

"Don't shout at me.. Zak plea-"

"FUCK OFF! YOU DON'T GET IT DO GO YOU IM IN HERE CAUSE I BARE THE SIGHT OF YOU!" He yelled making me well up and nod walking away.

I got into the bedroom and climbed back into bed I couldn't help but cry quietly to myself.

It hurt me to think I had hurt him so much.

My crying soon turned into sobbing and then hysterics as I tried to catch my breath.

He's never shouted at me with so much anger and hate before. He's ever been so horrible.

I was hysterical that I started to hyperventilate and began to panic. He didn't want to see me and I didn't know what to do!

I can't breath! I'm going to die because I can't breath because of him!

----------------------------

Zak POV

As soon as I shouted at her I hated myself. She didn't deserve that, I watched Brits face react and nod as she backed away and scurried away.

All because I was tired, grumpy and in agony with my back I had taken it out on her.

I laid on the loveseat looking at the ceiling hearing Brittany crying to herself.

You're an asshole Zak. A real asshole.

She progressively got worse and I began to wonder what else was happening and then silence.

That itself scared me more, the silence. I heard a loud crash making me fly up off the couch, I walked into the bedroom to find her outside on the concrete.

"Brit?!"

She turned to me and scratched at her throat.

She's hyperventilating.

I flew into action after years of Nick and myself having panic attacks.  I found a paper bag and sat cradling her whilst I made her breathe in and out to paper bag.

I rocked us slowly whilst stroking her hair off her forehead. To hear her lungs fighting for air brought me to my senses of how horrible I had been to her.

"Y-Y-You t-t-told me to f-f-fuck off." She shrugged.

"I know I'm sorry.. Don't speak yet sweetie just breath for me."

"Y-Y-You shouted... At me." She cried. "I s-said sorry."

"I know sweetie.."

"You're so mean!" Brit began crying again on my lap.

Our problem? Was that we were both tired, when Brit is tired, she's cranky and emotional, I should have known better than to shout at her the way I did. In fact I yelled at her which made the situation even worse.

"Y-Y0u hate me!"

"No sweetie. I don't, I love you. Just keep the bag on for a little longer and try to calm down for me." I replied kissing her head.

20 minutes later she was back her herself, quiet, grazed knees and a stuffy head but back to herself.

"Let's get you back indoors." I spoke getting us off the floor and back in.

I walked her to the bathroom and sat her down. I began tending to her knees as she had zoned out.

Another one of her coping mechanisms is to shut everyone out until she's calm enough in herself..

Silent Brittany was horrible as I didn't know how she felt about me anymore.

I was scared, I could have ruined everything.. I prayed that I hadn't but I had a feeling things were looking good for us right now.

I went around the cuts and stuck band aids on kissing her knees better and looking up at her face.

"Brittany, we're going to go to bed now." I informed her walking her to the bed.

I had to lay her down and tuck her in as she stared through me, I kissed her forehead and went to leave.

"I never meant what I said. But you did when you shouted at me.. I could,
I can hear the anger in your voice when you said you can't stand to look at me."

I wanted to defend myself but I didn't know how!

"Go to sleep for me baby and we'll talk in the morning." I answered switching out the light and closing the door.

I screwed up.. I screwed up big time!