Chapter 24

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"Good morning Sofia" I say as she enters my usual reading room, the one over looking the garden. Last time I read in here was when Vincent came here for lunch, with Theo, and...kissed me

I've figured that if I want to get over him, even though I should hate him for what he said and lied about, I have to do things that remind me of him and eventually I'll be ok...so far it hasn't worked.

It's been another week since the whole pregnancy, dinner, and hospital ordeal and another week without Vincent. I think I'm getting better...if only a little. I've made sure that whenever I feel stressed I take three deep breaths and go do something that distracts me, not wanting to feel the same as I did when I had dinner a week ago. I sleep better now...but that might be because I imagine him right there next to me, holding me, every night. I don't understand any of this, I shouldn't still be so hurt, yes I loved him but how is it possible to love someone for so long without them loving you back. Every time I think about the intimate night we shared I want to hit myself because everything he said during that time wasn't true. Yet my brain forces me to think that it was, that he meant what he said. I swear I thought he meant it, the look in his eyes...I just don't know what to think anymore, was he really that good at pretending to love me? How could I fall for it?

"Good morning Mrs.Taylor" she says smiling "I've been looking all over for you" she says in her typical Spanish accent, making her words flow a bit out of place

"Sorry" I say shutting the book I was reading, one of the ones that didn't parish in the fire

"It's quite alright, breakfast is ready" she tells me, but at that I frown...another morning in the awkward silence of me and Theo "don't worry he's not home" she says "he went into the office today" she tells me and I nod letting out a relived sigh "he won't be home till late, he's going to an event tonight"

"Ok thank you, I'll be down in a minute" I tell her and she nods, leaving me

I stare across the garden, the warmer weather finally shinning across the blooms of the flowers. I set the book down in the window seat and walk down the hall to my room to get dressed. I can actually look at myself in the mirror now, that's a step. My eyes will never be as bright as they were but maybe someday they'll look like they aren't so...broken. Throwing my blonde locks up in a bun and letting my makeup free face breath I try to make myself look as decent as possible. I get dressed in simple clothes, buried deep in my closets, behind all my fancy dresses and expensive outfits. Old skinny jeans and a simple T-shirt. I finish making myself presentable and walk down stairs.

Ed has already cleaned the kitchen and left my plate for me on the counter in front of my barstool. I smile at the chocolate chip pancakes and eggs still steaming with warmth. I sit down and eat the pancakes, but when I finish with those and look at the fluffy yellow eggs my heart sinks a little. My brain instantly goes back to the sight of Vincent smiling shirtless and holding a pan of eggs for us to eat on my last day with him.

I stare at them for a while but finally push them away, feeling sick to my stomach at the memory. I've got to get out of this house, if I stay any longer there's so doubt I'll go crazy. I wish I could leave and never come back but my plan is still in process. I haven't even had a chance to talk to Theo or my parents.

I shake my head and put my plate in the sink. Walking out into the garage I grab a set of keys, of course they happen to be the same ones I used when I drove to Vincent's that night so long ago. I grab another set and click the clicker to see it's the white Mercedes; works for me.

I get in the car and look at the long driveway ahead, where should I go? I have no where to go. What would a normal person do on any normal day. I could go to the park? But I rather not look at happy laughing families while I sit back on a bench hating my life. I could go to the movies? But I don't want to see anything romantic like I usually would but gruesome movies do nothing for me, cross that off. I sigh leaning back in the leather seat.

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