Talk To Me

Chapter 34: Mistakes

A/N I don't have that much to say other then thank you guys for 24K reads!! Also this one is a little heavy... sorry.

I was pacing around our lounge room. Not even really pacing I was just wandering back and forth for no reason; I felt like I couldn't sit still.

You're over reacting, I tried to tell myself, but to no avail. A much louder, crueler voice kept repeating and resurfacing in my head no matter how many times I tried to shove it away.

He doesn't want you anymore.

Dan had been disappearing for hours on end for the last few weeks. Not every day but most days and I was fearing the worst. Dan would never tell me where he was going and he never seemed to want me to come with him, to the point where he half snapped at me last week when I'd asked if I could come with him. This was so unlike Dan, so unlike our relationship. We rarely did anything apart, and I know that it's totally normal for him to want to do something on his own but we also never keep secrets. We tell each other everything. 

So yeah, I was panicking. 

I heard the front door slam and Dan's shout. I paused and swallowed thickly trying to calm myself down. I heard him climbing our stairs and he appeared in the lounge room door, grinning. 

"Hey," he said, strolling over to our couch. "How are you?" 

"Hi," I replied stiffly. 

"Are you okay?" he asked, leaning forward with a look of concern on his face. I took a shaky breath. 

Be calm, don't accuse him. I told myself. Just ask where he's been.

"Dan..." I began. "Are you cheating on me?"

(NO! BAD PHILLIP!)

I wanted to kick myself but I couldn't help it. My whole body screamed that I wasn't good enough for him any more. It seemed to take him a few moments to register what I'd said. 

"I...w... what?" he asked, slowly standing again. I felt like I had a wad of cotton in my throat.

"You heard me." I managed to get out. Slowly his expression morphed from total disbelief into a combination of confusion and anger.

"What the fuck, Phil!? Why would you think that?!" he demanded.

"What am I supposed to think?!" I hadn't meant to start shouting but it was too late now, my emotions were running away with me. "You disappear for several hours every day for the past couple of weeks, you won't let me go with you and you refuse to tell me what you're doing!!"

"You're supposed to trust me!" he yelled. "I trust you!!" I could see tears forming in his eyes and I could feel them forming in my own.

"If you trust me then tell me where the hell you've been!" I shouted.

"You want to know where I've been?!" he demanded. "With Troye! Helping him find a fucking engagement ring for Tyler! He wanted it to be a surprise for everyone but he needed help. Happy?" Before I could react Dan had turned and fled to his room.

I'm an asshole. Was my only thought as I hurried after him. He slammed his door in my face though and I came up against it. I slammed my head against the wood, groaning in frustration. I turned the knob and slowly opened the door.

"Dan," I murmured.

"Fuck off," came his muffled reply. He was sitting in his corner with tears running down his face, still wearing an angry expression.

"I'm sorry," I replied, moving over to him. "I should have trusted you. I shouldn't have accused you."

"Then why did you?" he demanded. I sighed, leaning my back against the wall and letting myself slide down, coming to sit near him.

"Because I was scared." I murmured. 

"Of what?" he asked, shutting a bit closer.

"That you'd leave." I admitted.

"Why on earth would you think that?" he asked quietly.

"Because you're perfect even if you don't know it. I couldn't help but worry that one day you'd realise there was better people out there then me."

"Phil you are perfect." he insisted, moving closer and hugging me to him. I hugged back, grateful that he didn't hate me. "But you know why I love you? Because you care. You care so, so much about me and about everything. And I love that. You've done so much to help me and you're so sweet and kind and I love you too much to go anywhere." I hugged him fiercely to show my gratitude. We sat for several minutes, allowing our previous anger to melt away and just enjoy each other's presence.

"I'm sorry I ruined the surprise." I murmured finally.

"It's okay," he replied. "I'm sorry for not realising how bad it looked from your perspective." I smiled and kissed his nose lightly. 

"So now they'll be official I guess." I said

"Mmm hmm," he replied sleepily. I blushed as a thought ran through my mind and I wondered if he could read my mind.

"Someday," he whispered. I looked at him shocked and he smiled as he opened his eyes.

"Someday," I replied, kissing him.

A/N So this was mostly to show that Phil also has fears, and also because I wanted Troyler to get married already ^-^