voices | phan au

Chapter Sixteen

(A/N: HA! I'm actually doing it! ALSO can I say I usually physically write up a chapter and I am attempting not to do that anymore, so if this chapter is shit, please don't blame me seriously...)

(DANS POV)

"It doesn't matter a ny more. I can't do this any more. We're over..."

And with that, Phil left me, not only did he leave me in the hospital, but he walked out of my life, for good. How could he just leave me like th- actually, I can understand why he did it. I am always putting him in situations that he shouldn't have to deal with! I really do feel sorry for him. Having to put up with me. He told me I am living with my parents again, so all my stuff is back at my house. I really did love Phil, I've fucked up this time. Well done Dan. You stupid twa- No, even though Phil isn't here, he wouldn't want me to have horrible thoughts.

"Mr. Howell, I believe?" I looked up at the doctor that came out of no where.

I nodded. "Not the first time in here I see..." He suggested.

 I didn't know if he felt sorry for me or whether he was taking the piss.

@"Well Dan, you're definitely lucky you survived what you did, also, I'm sorry about your break up. Yes, I heard. I couldn't help but eves drop."

I lifted my head up and looked straight back down at the many tubes and bandages covering up practically my whole body, and think to myself, was it worth it? 

Was it worth loosing my boyfriend, he wasn't just my boyfriend he was my best friend too, he was helping me so much, and without him, I don't think I will ever be able to get back on track.. He was sorting out my head, I miss him so much. He really did mean everything to me, that without him, I feel ashamed to go to school, walk the on the street or even go and say sorry. My mum and dad won't want me back, so why would Phil? You're such a stupid person Dan! 

"Having  a good think?" Phil's mum said, walking in. Seriously, people need to tell me they're coming.

I lifted my head up, I intended to lie and say no, but I just nodded.

"I don't mean to  trigger you or anything, but you really have upset Phil. He came home about 2 hours ago and is refusing to leave his room.." She spoke so happily, and cheerful about the situation I was torn up about. "He didn't come down for his dinner. He already misses you Dan, but he can't take another situation like this any more. I don't think you realise how much you've hurt him this time. You nearly died in the ambulance. I'm sorry to say, but I don't think Phil wants to see you ever again..." She placed a kiss on my fore head and left the hospital...

I can't even argue with the situation, it is really true and to be honest, I can completely understand if he never wants to see me again.

~~

Days passed and I got let out of the hospital, my mum and dad came to pick me up. Let's just say that when we got home, things were awkward for me:

"WHY?" Shouted my alcoholic dad. Whenever my dad was slightly pissed off or annoyed, he will turn the the bottle.

I shrugged.

"THAT IS NOT A VALID ANSWER! DANIEL, YOU'RE THE MOST USELESS HUMAN ALIVE AND YOU CAN'T DO SHIT TO HELP THIS FAMILY!" He shouted once more.

"Dad, just leave him alone, you don't understand the psychology and chemistry of someone with extreme depression and suicidal thoughts.." My brother said, backing me up. My brother was there no matter what, he would always make me feel the slightest bit happier when I was feeling rubbish.

"SHUT UP! YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT NOT LETTING THE FAMILY DOWN, YOU WERE LIKE THIS 2 YEARS AGO!" he shouts once more.

"Not as bad! Dad, just leave Dan alone, the worst thing he can do is have bad thoughts again and with you screaming at him, he will continue to have all of these bad thoughts and he will want to kill himself again!" My brother said, banging his fist onto the table with his last word.

My dad looked completely shocked and didn't know what to come back with, instead the got out another bottle of vodka.

"Get. Out. Of. My. Sight. NOW!" He screeched.

Me and my brother went into my room. My brother knows that I am comfortable with talking around him so I actually explained why I did it.

"Wait, so you're hearing voices in your head telling you to do it, and at the same time your handling with body issues and depression, is that right?"

I nod.

"Dan, I know this therapist. I know you said you hate therapists, but this guy helped me loads, you should try and go.." My brother explained.

I gave him a hug and sobbed on his shoulder, people might think it was weird to be crying on your little brothers shoulder, but he mean the world to me so I wouldn't change a thing.

(2 YEARS LATER)  

Needless to say, I am back on track and actually happy with my life, all thanks to my brother. I was eating again, talking, still a bit of stumbling, but I am talking. I was actually proud of myself. It's now 2009 and my therapist said to take my mind off things, I should try YouTube. I have heard people talk about it, but I always thought I wasn't good enough to do it.

(THIRD PERSON)

And with his friends motivation, Dan made his first video on 16th of October 2009. He barley had any fans, but after a good year, he was nearing one thousand. He had to go to uni, and as told, he has to got to Manchester Uni, he had no contact with Phil at all.

But we can't leave Phil out, can we? Well he, we he....

(A/N: Hey guys, sorry this took so long and stuff but I really don't have an excuse apart from I am so lazy wowie.  Ily all Bekah Xx)