You're a half- lycra half- human who has been living underground in a cavern for years, your only company being bat-squirrels and books.
He's one of the filthiest people in the history of filth, the living embodiment of what a person should not be.
...
Tj nearly choked on her pancakes hearing that question.
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When you woke up this morning, Frank wasn't there, you had felt a twinge of sadness, but was brushed aside by your FUNGER HUNGER. So you called up your BFF to see if she wanted to go out to that IHOP, you paying this time.
" Did you just watch The Room or something? Where did that come from?" She asked. You just shrugged your shoulders, poking at your eggs and bacon.
" I mean, weren't we just having a debate about best apocalypse scenarios? Because I'm still all for Yellow Stone volcano blowing it's top off-"
"Dammit Tj! The Zombie apocalypse os the way to go!"
"Have you EVER seen the Walking Dead? That shit's depressing!"
" No, I haven't but I'm pretty sure it's less depressing then THE WORLD CLIMATE FUCKING MORPHING MAKING THE WORLD SPIRAL INTO FAMINE AND SHIT."
" WE WILL SETTLE THIS ARGUMENT LATER HATER, right now we have to discuss the obvious torment and conflict you're obviously going through with your quite fucked lover."
Now you were the one to nearly choke on your breakfast.
" How did you-"
"Um, did you not just ask me about my sex life? Plus your reaction kind of confirmed it," a blush began to cross your face remembering last night.
"So, I want some details," Tj said as she rested her elbows on the table, pouring more syrup on her pancakes.
"There was...." You hesitated," a lot of rubbing."
" Ooooooo, sounds hawt, what else," she leaned in closer, amused at how inexperienced you were in this aspect of life.
You decided to stretch the truth a little to wipe that ever growing smirk off her face," and... A lot of fruit."
" That sound sooooo sex- wait fruit?" The smirk was now replaced by confusion.
" Yeah, you know, we started with the usual cherry nipples and making out with grapes in our mouthes, then bananas and watermelons started getting involved, next thing I knew, we were 69 grape fruiting each other and playing pineapple."
" You guys were- you guys grapefruited?" You nodded," Ho-holy shit! I've only seen the video of it, how did it feel."
" Like I was fucking a bottle of unicorn piss- what do you think it felt like? Like I was getting head and getting fucked at the same time."
"Huh. And cherry nipple? How do you do that."
" You uh- you cut the cherry in half and rub the shell on their nipples of course," you were making this shit up on the spot and you loved it.
"Huh, maybe I could try that with Sal later..." Tj sighed, stuff her mouth with another flapjack," ever since that double trouble thing, he hasn't wanted to do anything! And it sucks since it already took long enough to convince him to do it in the first place..."
" Tj, it's hasn't even been a day."
"I'm a human being with needs! Idk, i just wonder how normal couples handle this..."
" Psh, I'm with you there
Your conversation was cut off by someone calling your name, you whipped your head around to see two familiar face, Hila, you remembered her name, and Ethan, was it?
"H-hey! Come over here guys! Sit with us!" You waved over calling to them.
"Tj, this is Hila and Ethan, Hila and Ethan, this is my friend Tj," they pulled up some seats. You then saw that Tj's eyes were wide as a t-rex dick.
"Y-you two... You're Ethan and Hila Klein?" She asked. Suddenly Ethan's chin multiplied ten fold. He let out a single cough, and the grin that spread across Tj's face actually scared you a bit. So they ordered their breakfast, seemed Ethan had a thing for egg whites. And you all talked for awhile, Tj asking the both of them many questions about the channels they ran on Youtube, you found out Hila, was an artist, and as they were talking about a video on the channel, you got an idea of how to make some extra quick money.
