You're a half- lycra half- human who has been living underground in a cavern for years, your only company being bat-squirrels and books.
He's one of the filthiest people in the history of filth, the living embodiment of what a person should not be.
...
In the alley behind your apartment, you walk slo-mo to some music you're blasting as you trudge a sludge hammer to some clam shells. You have your lycra rolled up to your elbows, and yet the room temperature air outside nips at your skin. You start to slam the shells, pieces flying all over the place like it's the god damn hunger games. Every now and then you'd throw a brick into the mix to smash that as well. After fifteen minutes of smashing, you took the crushed shards and put it in a pot with a dead flower.
This was totally going to make you a million dollars.
Once you were done, you realized just how fucking sore this made you, so you took the dad potted plant, sprinkled some coins in there, and walked back up to your apartment. You then noticed pink totting out with a box of objects. It seemed they were finally moving.
" yo pink guy, is Frank in there?" You asked. Pink guy replied shaking his and fingering the box. That answered that you supposed. You went into your apartment, god damn you were sweaty, you really hope this would all be worth it. You went into the shower only to see Frank laying in there with the tub part full of ramen.
"FRANK THE FU-FUDGE PAPA," you yelled, doing a double take at this.
" Ay yo mang, you want some of this ramen?" He asks, rubbing some seasoning all over his shin. You slammed the door and got into your kitchen sink. It was quite large, big enough to sit in, so there you were rinseing yourself off with a fucking faucet. You stride back over to the bathroom, dripping wet, to open and see Frank was still in there, cigarette in mouth. He stick a hand out, reach to you. You sigh and join him in the bath of ramen. It feel a bit weird, the ramen, and the tub is a bit cramp, but you move into Franks lap and soon the both of you are eating the tub of ramen.
"You're going to clean this stuff up before you leave, you realize that?" You asked, pulling a stalk of leak to start munching on it. He doesn't respond, but you gave a feeling he agrees to.
" F/n?"
" Yes Frank?"
"I uh... There may be a way to... Change you back..."
You sit up, ramen sloshing all over the place, you grab his face and pull him close, his sunglasses fall off with a plop in the ramen.
"You aren't fucking with me are you Frank?" You asked, because if he was, you were going to see just how much ramen can fit in every orifice of the average human male body.
"No! I'm not, I have a friend, the Shaman, he might have a way of helping you."
"Weeell where can we find this Shaman gent?" Frank respond by slapping the bathroom wall, and from the end of the tub, a small but very muscular man emerges from the water and raman. Once you were done screaming at the top of your fucking lungs, and the Shaman quit vigorously flexing, you both shook hands and he began to inspect you, like feeling your lean muscles and shit. He finally came to a conclusion.
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"Self inflicted orgasms," he said.
"I beg your pardon?"
"How often do you uhhh... Pleasure yourself, if you don't mind my asking?" Already this guy was probably the most rational person you had ever met, asking if you minded, so polite! "Er' day mang," you bragged, not knowing that that sounded pretty depressing.
"Yeaaaah, thats what I thought, basically it's what really prolonging this whole thing," he explained. This was the equivalent of hearing a special ed kid screaming.
"So what, I just stop masturbateing?" You ask, hoping this didn't mean what you thought it did.
The Shaman shrugged," Pretty much yeah, start taking these once a day, it should quicken the process," he reached into the tub and gave you what looked like a bottle of cartoon vitamins. And with that, he disappeared back into the water.
With the new information you had now, and with Frank nuzzling into your neck and making some autistic fucking sounds, you took a deep breath and said-
