*Update* Haven't updated this since February. Yes, that is a long time. I would make a promise to be more consistent with these uploads, but we all know that is neeeeever gonna happen. So let's just enjoy these as they come! For now, let's get Jurassic!
________________________________________________________________
Once upon a time there lived a boy named Peter and a mum named Jackie. They all lived in a country called Australia. It was a bright and sunny day, but poor Peter had to stay inside for some reason. ''MUM!'' shouted Peter. ''Don't shout too loud Peter'', said Jackie. ''What's the matter''? asked Jackie. ''Why can't i play outside''? asked Peter. ''You can't go outside because you don't have any suncream and it is a very hot day so you can't go outside'', said Jackie. ''Aaaaawwww'', groaned Peter. Suddenly there was a knock at the door. Peter opened it and there stood a very tall man. ''Hello my name is Eoghan'', he said. ''I am selling time machines would you like to buy one''? he asked. ''Oh yes please'', said Peter. ''Ok, here you go'', said Eoghan. ''How much is this going to cost''? asked Jackie. ''€29 euro,'' said Eoghan. ''Ok, here you go'', said Jackie. ''Thank you'', said Eoghan. ''I am so happy that i have my own time machine'', said Peter. So then he went into the time machine and said goodbye to Jackie. ''GOODBYE''! he shouted. ''Be good'', said Jackie. And with that the time machine disapeared. Peter was then sucked into a vortex. Then he landed in the middle of a desert. Then Peter realised that he had went back 65 million years. ''Oh no i am supposed to be in 1998'', said Peter. Then he heard some large footsteps. ''Oh no stay back, stay back stay back DON'T COME NEAR ME''! screamed Peter. Then a dinosaur came along. Peter was so scared that he almost ran away, but the dinosaur was very fast too. ''Please don't eat me,'' said Peter. The dinosaur came up to him and then smiled. ''Hello my name is Maxasaurous'', he said. ''What, are you not going to eat me?'' asked Peter. ''I would never eat a human soul,'' said Maxasaurous. ''Look, i travelled here by mistake and i need to find my time machine so i can go back to my own time'', said Peter. ''Ok what year are you in''? asked Maxasaurous. ''2007'', said Peter. ''Ok we have just got to find that time machine'', said Maxasaurous. After a while of searching, they eventually found the time machine. ''Ok i am leaving,'' said Peter. ''Goodbye Peter i am going to miss you,'' said Maxasaurous. ''Goodbye'', said Peter and as quick as a flash he had disapeared and before long he was back home. ''Oh Peter i really missed you,'' said Jackie. ''I missed you too,'' said Peter. And from then on Peter always stayed at home.
The End!
________________________________________________________________
Back when I wrote this story, well into 2nd class, my teacher and a couple of other teachers around the school hailed this as some sort of masterpiece. The final page has loads of congrats stickers, and a note from my teacher which describes me and my stories as ''an inspiration, magical and amazing''. Wow, I'll have whatever they were having please!
- Firstly, why does every single bit of dialogue in this story sound like it was created by some form of artificial intelligence with no basic understanding of human speech patterns or sentence structure? The dialogue is messy and unfocused, and made this story even harder than usual to transcribe since I had to be really sure what I was putting down was actually correct!
- Secondly, the scene where Jackie and Peter purchase a time machine deserves a bit more scrutiny. Why is a weird man walking around selling time machines for €29? Even if they aren't fakes and do work properly (which the story makes clear) then this guy is losing out on severe fat stacks by flogging them away at that price! This guy has in his possession a machine that could rightfully earn him a Nobel Peace Prize and he's willing to throw them away all willy-nilly? Feckin' eejit. Secondly, Jackie not only seems completely nonchalant about this weird offer, she actively encourages it, handing over the money to this dude she's never met before on the completely off chance that this ''time machine'' might work. Has she ever even heard of caveat emptor? Her consumer game is atrocious, she needs to not be led so far astray by dodgy salesmen.
- The friendship between Peter and Maxasaurous (which might be the most atrocious name for any dinosaur I've ever come across, it's a pain to type every single time) is completely stilted and virtually non-existent. When Max says ''i am going to miss you'' at the end of the story, one can't help but wonder why?! There's no banter between them in this story, no effort is made to make it appear as though these two even get along at all. If anything, Peter's a burden on Max's shoulders, he should be delighted the little bollocks has gone back to his own time!
- (Little side-note to Eoghan. The time machine's a good idea and all, but you should maybe fix that whole 'jumping-back-65-million-years-further-than-you-were-supposed-to' thing. You won't be getting awarded any prizes until you sort out that dilemma.)
Overall rating - 5 out of 10. Awkward to read, and falls apart mercilessly once you try to analyse it, but there's been worse. Way worse.
Join us next time for a story set in detention. How exciting, that's never been done before.
(Today's song is 'Time Machine' by Ride from their 1992 album 'Going Blank Again'. Less shoegazey than their debut, but still filled to the brim with cracking power pop tunes. A gem of an album.)
YOU ARE READING
Stories from My Youth: The Complete Chronicles
Short StoryOnce upon a time, there was a boy named Jack. His childhood was a mess, so he used to spend his time in his head creating his very own universes filled with magic, wonder, everyday activities, plot holes and grammatical errors. He would then documen...
