Stories from My Youth: The Complete Chronicles

Story 2 - The Shy Hedgehog (19th May 2006)

Once upon a time, there lived a hedgehog named Bob, a fox named Max, a duck (Who did'nt live in the water) called Matilda, and a sheep named Thomas. They all lived in the forest. One day the hedgehog was very shy, when all the animals said ''hello'' he said, ''I don't see or talk to you''. Soon he didn't talk to his friends. The next day, he made up a choice. ''I guess i don't want to see anymore'', he said. Soon his friends tried to come up with a plan. ''We've got to come up with something'', said Matilda the duck. ''I've got it'', said Thomas the sheep. ''We have to chase away his fears,'' he said. Soon they were very busy with the hedgehog. A few hours later, Max the fox finally said ''you should be cured by now'' and in fact he was. And from that day on the hedgehog was'nt shy anymore.

The End

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Jesus! *Sigh* Well, there were way more errors in that one than in the previous story. The plot is all over the place, and the ending is possibly the most rushed conclusion I've ever managed to squeeze into a story. Plus the dialogue is atrocious! My teacher called me out on it too, saying how it would make more sense to change them to something, y'know, decent! On the last story, I got three stickers and four signatures from teachers who thought my story was great. It's telling that this time around, I only got two stickers. I was only two storys in, and already I had hit writer's block. There was still time to get my act together, so I dedicated a bit more time to my next story. Let's hope it's ten times better than this slice of awfulness!

Overall rating - 2 out of 10. Choppy and uneasy plot, underdeveloped characters, rushed ending and overall air of mediocrity. Definitely a D- on this one!

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However, my dear friend Annie has decided to submit her own analysis of the story. Let's see how she feels about this travesty:

I must say though Jack, I entirely disagree with your rating. With this story you have to look in between the lines.Let's have a detailed look through this tale. 

Straightaway we're met with "once upon a time". A phrase commonly used in fairytales. In fairytales they always get a happily ever after. Is that what the authors looking for? 

 Now let's look at the names. Bob and Max are both three letter names, very simplistic. I think this shows the authors longing for simplicity in life it's self. He wants life to be easy but so far that hasn't happened. Then we have Matilda. A possible reference to the Roald Dahl novel. Matilda is about a girl with a horrible home life and magical powers. In the end, spoiler alert, Matilda gets her happily ever after. Coincidence? I think not. The final name is Thomas most likely named after the character Thomas the Tank Engine. Let's think about that one for a second. This could just be because the author likes Thomas the Tank Engine but I don't think so. In Thomas the Tank Engine there is a character called the Fat Controller. He's the one issuing commands to the trains, a dictator in the realm. Does the author have a similar figure in his own life? That's what I speculate. Another thing to note is that Matilda is the only female character. This is obvious symbolism for the patriarchy. 

 Now, let's move onto the animals themselves. Bob is a hedgehog, a creature covered in spikes to protect itself. Does the author feel like he needs this sort of protection himself? Then we have a fox, a cunning and sly animal. Perhaps he intends to trick Bob. Perhaps he's not a "friend" at all. Then we have Matilda, a duck he doesn't live in water. This is clearly unusual and outside of social norms. That's because Matilda does not want to conform to the Patriarchy. Well done Matilda! The last animal is a sheep. A follower. He'll do whatever he's told. 

 Now let's talk about location. This takes place in a forest. While a hedgehog and fox might belong in a forest, a duck and a sheep certainly don't. We've already talked about Matilda smashing the patriarchy so we know why she's there but what about Thomas? Well this is just proving that as the sheep, Thomas is a mindless follower, going where he is led without question. 

 So now let's get in to the actual plot of the story. Bob's friends say hello to Bob and he says "I don't see or talk to you." Now some people would say that this is just a grammatical mistake, but I don't think so. I think that Bob's friends aren't his friends at all, but instead users. Bob's telling them that he never sees them and never talks to them. Unless the want something. Bob decided not to talk to them, but they don't respect his decision. So then Bob "makes up his choice". Some might say that he meant to say mind but I think he's right. What Bob means is he makes up, as in imagines that he has a choice, but really he doesn't at all. He doesn't want to see anymore. He actually wants to take away his vision so he isn't used anymore. Now that is just heart breaking. Bob's "friends" come up with a plan, even though Bob never asked for their help as he didn't talk to them. 

 Matilda with urgency wants them to think of something. What does she need from Bob that's so important? Money. Matilda is in a lot of debt to someone. That's the only reason I can think that she would cooperate with Max and Thomas.Now funnily enough Thomas comes up with the plan. Or does he? Of course he doesn't Thomas is a mindless follower. A puppet for the Fat Controller. And who is the Fat Controller? That's right. Benito Mussolini, the Italian Fascist himself. Mussolini tells Thomas to chase his fears away. And so they do. With brainwashing. Brainwashing is a time consuming task, and would definitely keep someone busy for a while. Max the Sly Fox tells Bob that he should be "cured" by now. And in fact he was. Cured of his thoughts of freedom.Bob would never be shy again, but Bob was never shy in the first place. He just wanted to stay away from his toxic friends, a task which in the end was just too hard to fulfill.  

(Thank you very much Anisha for your stunning analysis. May I be the first to say she got it spot on?Anyway, today's song is 'Ask' by The Smiths from 1986. Picked purely because of its references to being shy, it's a nice catchy one to keep you company while you rot your brains trying to comprehend my nonsense. Except you've already reached the end, so it doesn't even make a difference now!)