Stories from My Youth: The Complete Chronicles

Story 3 - The Letter (26th May 2006)

Once upon a time there lived a boy called Toby, a Mother called Emma, and a Father called Aaron. They lived in a town called Dublin. One day, Emma and Aaron were being very rude to Toby. ''Go on, wash your hair, polish your shoes, comb your hair, and please do all your chores!'' They screamed at him. Toby was hurt. A few hours later, a ransom note popped through the piller-box. ''Great, a party invitation'', whispered Toby, hoping that his parents would'nt hear what he said. Soon he walked to the door ''Where are you going'' asked Emma. ''Going outside to play with my friends'' said Toby. ''Well make it snappy'', she said. Soon Toby was very far from his house but soon he realised that he was lost. He was walking all over the place until finally he found the way to the house. A few minutes later, he was on a bouncy castle. ''Its so good when you get a special letter'' he said, and he had a great time at the party.

The End

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Well, I shall first answer the question that's on everyone's lips. What on earth was up with the bit about the ransom note? Well, thinking back, it makes no sense whatsoever. I heard it in an episode of Grizzly Tales for Gruesome Kids, thought it sounded cool and decided to use it even though I had no idea what it actually meant. So not only does it completely derail the narrative of the story, but it also raises some pretty awkward questions! Is Toby pre-empting his own disappearance? Is he so distraught by life at home that he plans to flee and never come back? Surely the parents are just asking him to do what any other child should be doing in the first place. Is there a darker side to this tale not being told?.......... Probably not, I'm just being dramatic.

All theorizing aside, this is pretty standard fare. If the ransom note bit hadn't been included, this would have been a story about a little piss-baby getting to go on a bouncy castle. Sometimes the worst mistakes can lead to the best successes. 

Overall rating: 5 out of 10. Admirable even in its sheer absurdity, this short tale makes little sense, gramatically or otherwise, but there is still some humour to be found inbetween the rough edges.

Join me next time for a double-length, two part epic. I already had grand ambitions for my stories, even as a wee 8 year old.

(Today's song is 'Care of Cell 44' by the Zombies from their 1968 album 'Odessey and Oracle'. Nowhere else will you find a more enchanting and delightful song about writing to your partner in jail.)