Once upon a time there lived a boy called James, a Dad called Egan and a Mum called Justine. They all lived in a country called England. One day, Justine came home from work with her hands full of Lottery tickets. ''Hey i'm home everybody,'' said Justine. James saw the amount of tickets in his mothers hands and he gasped. ''Oh my god Mum how many Lottery tickets did you get,'' James asked her. ''Well you might find this hard to believe, but i actually got 37 tickets '', Justine said. ''Wow if you have got 37 tickets then we're bound to win it,'' said Egan. So the next Wednesday they tuned into the lottery. ''I am sure i am going to win this,'' said Justine. ''What is the grand prize''? She asked James. ''Well, it says that the grand prize is a trip to Africa,'' James said. ''And the winning numbers are 37, 29, 48, 59, and the bonus number is 69,'' said Max the Lottery conducter. ''Oh my god, i won, i won, i won,'' said Justine. So the next week they boarded a plane to Africa. 2 hours later they were high up in the sky. ''This is lovely,'' said Egan. Suddenly, the engine spluttered and then it stopped. ''What's going on?'' asked James. ''I think the engine's stopped,'' said Justine. ''I'll go under the engine and see what's wrong,'' said James. 10 minutes later, he arrived back at the seat. ''How did it go?'' asked Egan. ''It went fine,'' said James. 2 hours later, they arrived in Africa. ''Wow, this place is brilliant,'' said James. And they had a great time in Africa.
The End
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Wow, this one's a doozy. I don't even know where to begin! *Sigh* Firstly, the pacing is all over the place. We don't find out what the problem of the story is until about 50 words before the story's conclusion. That' s just stupid. Secondly, 4 hours to travel from England to Africa? I'm not too great with maths, but I'm fairly sure that doesn't add up in the slightest! And thirdly, that ending though. This was around the time I was introduced to Father Ted, and one of my favourite episodes was the one on the plane where everyone thought they were going to die. It had a resolution that was very similar to this one, but at least the freaking plane didn't stop in mid-air in Father Ted, unlike here!! If the engine had really stopped, they would be plummeting out of the sky faster than you can imagine. Plus I personally don't think James would have not only fixed the problem by going ''under the plane'' but I doubt he even would have survived more than ten seconds clinging on underneath the goddamn plane!!!........ Wow. That was a rough one.
Overall rating: 4 out of 10. Slightly amusing at first, but very quickly grows quite tedious to even think about. Not my finest hour.
Join us next time for a spoopy weather story. Nothin's scarier than a rainstorm, amirite?
(Today's song is 'The Universal' by Blur from their 1995 album 'The Great Escape'. This song was actually written as a result of the Lottery becoming massively popular in the UK and Damon Albarn wasn't one bit happy. Really makes you think, don't it?)
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