All We Are

Thirteen

*****

"Behind a velvet rope, we hide in plain sight. We're dressed in black smoke and have our hands tied. She says, "I see you babe," but we are both blind, our bodies yearning for what we cannot find. The end is beginning, and I'm falling, so take it, or leave it, because I'm all in. We're too young to die today, to die today, but we're to broken to fly away."- Burning Doves, by Mikky Ekko

*****

Rose

The following weeks were sort of a blur.

Now the weather had changed, and it was almost winter, and almost November.

After my conversation with James, that ended in him just getting up and leaving the room, and then having Sarah run up the stairs and exclaim, "James just stormed out of the house! What in the hell happened?"

Well, I told her what happened and she just sighed and looked more stressed than before. To say the least we were all a little shaken by the reappearance of Ryan Marshall, some more than others.

I was tried to avoid thinking about him at all costs, I focused only on schoolwork, cleaning the house, cooking my own meals instead of ordering pizza or heating something up in the microwave, and I was even searching for a part time job. I spent most of my time with Sarah, Anna, and Reagan still, but Hunter and Blake joined us frequently, and Nate came when Blake wasn't around sometimes.

On the exterior I looked relatively okay, but if you looked closely you could see the traces of recent events taking their toll. My nails were bitten, the skin around them was bloody and ragged, there were dark circles under my eyes from sleepless nights, and the ever-present haunted expression hidden behind my smiles and laughs.

Sarah I noticed, looked tired and stressed. She hadn't cared to share as to why she seemed so on edge, but I had a feeling Nate knew what was going on with her. I knew I should ask more questions on her behavior, but she wasn't one to let people in, if she didn't want to, so I was comforted by the thought of Nate Wilson knowing.

Blake tried to be present whenever he could. He was very protective. I didn't complain this time. He was always on guard, always scanning the crowds of other people roaming the high school. He'd even put his arm around me protectively. He knew that James and I had had a falling out of some sort, but he never pried.

AnnaCate was constantly dropping hints about how Blake was bound to ask me out soon, but he was letting whatever was going on with James subside. She could be right, but Blake never suggested anything like the sort after our kiss, before things spiraled out of control.

Reagan and Anna who knew about my past were slightly afraid, but they tried to make Sarah and I laugh nevertheless. Cal was still upset because "some messed up fucker," got into his party. And David and Carter were probably trying to pretend like they knew nothing, because honestly they had no reason to be involved. No one did really. Only me.

Hunter was trying to be positive, but also protective. He made me laugh and feel at ease more often than not. He ate lunch with us when he could, he would drop by my house at times to see if I was doing well or needed company, and he called regularly to do the same.

Nate was very solemn through everything. He and Sarah were often seen having conversations in hushed tones. I was honestly glad that Nate knew things because he was the one that had resources and connections if we ever needed anything, and hopefully we wouldn't. Nate was there for me, mostly because of Sarah and our friendship, and his infatuation with her, but he was also there for James. They were like brothers and I respected that, and totally understood why he devoted time to James.